Saturday, June 11, 2011

Rambling at 2 in the morning.

Fluid. Constantly changing. Visionary. Impatience. Paranoid. Forgetful.

I'm all of the above.

When I desire something, I vision myself in it, doing it, living with it. And I plan for it. If the plan worked, great. If it fell through, then too bad. I don't know where I get this trait from. My parents are not planners. They are more like 'wait-and-see' kinda people. I, on the other hand, want to know what's gonna happen to me in the 5 years or so, in black and white, so to speak. Paranoia is a best friend to my visionary department. I always have the 'what-ifs' questions. To me, there's a lot more that could go wrong, than can go right. 


I don't like to sit and wait. Certain things, you just gotta wait for it to happen. But I'm very impatient. When I vision something, I want it to come to fruition almost immediately. I think that's why, in everything I do, I get bored easily. When things are not moving, stagnant, not going I want it to be, I get bored. What happens when I get bored? I move on. I escape. I move to other things. And the cycle continues.


I find my brain working in a very peculiar way. When I moved on from something, I kinda erase all memories associated with it. I hardly remember things, once I decided to move on from it. When people ask what happened, why, how, when, I could not give them proper answers, because I just can't remember. I almost thought I had amnesia at one point.


Motive of this post? No idea. A sudden thought came when I was about to sleep just now. I think I need to change. I'm a putting things in jeopardy, with all those traits of mine. But then again, maybe I just think too much. Which is another superior trait of mine. Sigh. STOP THINKING TOO MUCH!