Passion fruit.

Entry pasal passion ni memang dah sebati dengan Nur Adilah. Kalau tak kat blog, kat Twitter. Membebel lah sorang-sorang pasal passion. Truth is, I think it will bother me until I have found my true passion. Every time I see somebody being/doing so good at something, I can't help to feel a little envious, in a good way of course. Kadang-kadang rasa macam adakah aku tak bersyukur sebab Allah dah kurniakan something for me to do (i.e. do PhD), but still I feel uncontented and envy orang yang buat benda lain yang macam lagi seronok je tengok (i.e. buat business out of the passion/hobby/something they really fond of ). Jumpa plak kat Twitter the other day orang put up that quote above. It got me thinking, 'Am I living the life I'm capable of living?' I felt so small. Rasa macam I haven't contributed enough to my family, my community, those in need, and most importantly myself. 

Erin gave me an article to read not too long ago about how rich people think. I found one that is the most outstanding, almost everyone knows what it is:

'Average people earn money doing things they don't love. Rich people follow their passion.'

Some people they know what their passion is and make a living with it. For example, the ever so famous Vivy Yusof. She knows she's into fashion and boom! there you have it FashionValet. Her right-wing woman Asma' Nasaruddin, the Head Buyer of FashionValet, those cakes she makes are such eye candies! A lovely lady I know from the blogosphere, ShilaShower, she has a day job but at night she is the lady behind those yummy diaper cakes. Another sweet mommy blogger, HanaFedora, who's currently doing her PhD in London (I think it's Imperial College), launched her shawl business L'adorn late last year, juggling between writing her thesis, taking care of her cute baby Wilwil and managing inter-continents business (she's in London but her business is based in Malaysia). What I respect about these ladies is that even though they come from well-off families, they not only have one job, but they are juggling two jobs! I am not sure if Vivy still work with her dad's company but at some point she must have had two jobs.

I am 'tangan bangku' (peribahasa I made up for 'orang takde seni'). So I give up doing arts long time ago. It's always 'tiru' and 'tekap' when it comes to art. I make edible food just enough to stuff my tummy. I can sing in the shower, and that's about it. I don't collect stamps, but I do keep shopping bags. See, I can't think of any passion of mine. Can you consider studying a passion? Am I pursuing my passion? Nah I don't think so. I am pursuing my DREAM because I've always known I want to have a PhD at some point in my life. A passion is something you can't wait to wake up to. There are times when I feel so lazy to wake up because I feel so down that my research is not going anywhere. Having a PhD and later being a lecturer would be my job no.1. But the greedy me wants to have that job no.2. 

But after all, we must believe in Allah's plan. There is a reason Allah put me here today and not baking in an all-pink cafe or signing autographs at a book launch or singing to cute little kids in a kindergarten. I hope one day I can update in here about my other job, other than teaching Immunology to some scientist-to-be in USM. InshaAllah.

To you readers who are currently pursuing your passion, I am still envious of :P (in a good way okay?) and I wish you all the best in your future undertakings. Let's make the world a better place to live no matter what we do, ey?

Till then.

**Updated: It's not about the money, it's not about being rich. Well if the passion comes with money, that's a bonus. Those people I mentioned above, they turned their passion into money, which is good. It's a bonus for them. But in my case, I can't even tell you what I'm passionate about. That's what the entry is all about. 

One step at time.

On Monday, couple of weeks ago, I did some experiments. I remembered it was two or three separate experiments I did that day. One after another, I found myself frustrated looking at the results. All my hard work from the previous week were in vain. If you must know, normally scientific experiments don't just take a day. It's normally a build up of small procedures of many days, before you get the final result, say after 3-4 days. So yeah, how can you not get frustrated after knowing on the 4th day that your experiment is worth nothing? Technically it doesn't worth nothing because we must hold the principle 'negative results are also results!' But still, I can't help but feel a bit down.

Then the next day I sat with my supervisor to discuss my results. She pointed what could have gone wrong and how I can improve my experiment. We also planned what experiments I should do for that whole week. Before I left her room, she asked me, 'Are you happy?' I answered nonchalantly, 'Yes, at least for this week -__-.' Then she said something that struck me, 'Sometimes it takes a week at a time'. 

Alhamdulillah, the next few days everything worked out fine, not excellent but fine. I managed to get decent results, enough to get me going. Her words can never be more true. I can't expect to get all good results. It's normal to find a glitch in carrying out experiments. That's what research is all about; it's not about getting excellent results all the time so that you can publish them *it's GREAT if yours turn out to be excellent ALL.THE.TIME*, but it's also learning from your mistake and improving/correcting them so you won't do the same thing the next time. I should be fine, I will be fine, InsyALLAH.

As a last note, I'd like to dedicate this song to myself *boleh ke camtu? haha* and also to others who are struggling in whatever you guys are doing. Remember, sometimes it takes one step a time.

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

Imam dan makmum.

I found this quote on Facebook, and it's so interesting I have to share it.

'Seharusnya lelaki tidak harus meletakkan piawaian yang terlalu tinggi untuk calonnya. Kerana jika IMANnya hebat, maka dia akan memimpin dengan baik, tidak kira siapa pun yang akan menjadi makmumnya. 

Yang harus cerewet adalah wanita. Kerana dia sedang memilih calon IMAMnya. Dan sudah pasti, dia mahukan calon Imam yang mampu membimbing dengan baik. Kerana memilih bakal Imam, lebih penting dari memilih bakal Makmum.'

Great love vs right love.

Chuck: There's a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State Building last year after two minutes when you didn't show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn't want it 'cause you've never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairytale.

Blair: We make our own fairytales.

Chuck: Only when we have to.


**


Blair: I didn't want to let you go just yet.


Chuck: Don't let anyone tell you you're not powerful. You're the most powerful woman I know.

Me: :(((( 


Favorite scene of Gossip Girl, so far.

p/s: Photos from fanpop.com

You should never give yourself a chance to fall apart, because when you do it, it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. You must practice staying strong, instead. 

-Eat Pray Love-

Relate.

Salam,

So I aimed to finish reading Eat Pray Love (I'm so last year, I geddit!) this weekend. Guess how long have I been reading it? Ermmmm I think since December. Lembab macam siput. 

What happened to your 'a book a month', Dila? Truth is, I've been lazy. *Guilty!*

I know what you are going to ask me next. 'Have you watched the movie?'

My answer is, No. When it comes to adaption movies, I prefer to finish reading the novel before watching the movie.  You know when you read books, you kinda create your own visualization of the characters, settings etc. That's why I prefer to watch movie later, because I want to compare my visualization with the movie. Get what I mean?

That's not the purpose of this entry, actually.

When you read any books, do you find yourself nodding to some situations portrayed in the book, that you want to tab that particular page or even highlight those particular sentences, and wish to come back to it to analyze it further? You feel like you can really relate to what is being told by the author, either because you have had similar experience, or simply because you think he/she is right about that thing.

It happens to me all the time. So far, the books that have the most tabs are 'Tuesdays with Morrie' by Mitch Albom and 'Showing Up For Life' by Bill Gate Sr.

I just tabbed this one page from Eat Pray Love'

".....because I seriously believed David was my soul mate"

"He probably was. Your problem is that you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they can tear your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave."

This is one of the many definitions of soul mate, I guess.

According to this definition, I think I've met mine.

Have you?