Passion fruit.

Entry pasal passion ni memang dah sebati dengan Nur Adilah. Kalau tak kat blog, kat Twitter. Membebel lah sorang-sorang pasal passion. Truth is, I think it will bother me until I have found my true passion. Every time I see somebody being/doing so good at something, I can't help to feel a little envious, in a good way of course. Kadang-kadang rasa macam adakah aku tak bersyukur sebab Allah dah kurniakan something for me to do (i.e. do PhD), but still I feel uncontented and envy orang yang buat benda lain yang macam lagi seronok je tengok (i.e. buat business out of the passion/hobby/something they really fond of ). Jumpa plak kat Twitter the other day orang put up that quote above. It got me thinking, 'Am I living the life I'm capable of living?' I felt so small. Rasa macam I haven't contributed enough to my family, my community, those in need, and most importantly myself. 

Erin gave me an article to read not too long ago about how rich people think. I found one that is the most outstanding, almost everyone knows what it is:

'Average people earn money doing things they don't love. Rich people follow their passion.'

Some people they know what their passion is and make a living with it. For example, the ever so famous Vivy Yusof. She knows she's into fashion and boom! there you have it FashionValet. Her right-wing woman Asma' Nasaruddin, the Head Buyer of FashionValet, those cakes she makes are such eye candies! A lovely lady I know from the blogosphere, ShilaShower, she has a day job but at night she is the lady behind those yummy diaper cakes. Another sweet mommy blogger, HanaFedora, who's currently doing her PhD in London (I think it's Imperial College), launched her shawl business L'adorn late last year, juggling between writing her thesis, taking care of her cute baby Wilwil and managing inter-continents business (she's in London but her business is based in Malaysia). What I respect about these ladies is that even though they come from well-off families, they not only have one job, but they are juggling two jobs! I am not sure if Vivy still work with her dad's company but at some point she must have had two jobs.

I am 'tangan bangku' (peribahasa I made up for 'orang takde seni'). So I give up doing arts long time ago. It's always 'tiru' and 'tekap' when it comes to art. I make edible food just enough to stuff my tummy. I can sing in the shower, and that's about it. I don't collect stamps, but I do keep shopping bags. See, I can't think of any passion of mine. Can you consider studying a passion? Am I pursuing my passion? Nah I don't think so. I am pursuing my DREAM because I've always known I want to have a PhD at some point in my life. A passion is something you can't wait to wake up to. There are times when I feel so lazy to wake up because I feel so down that my research is not going anywhere. Having a PhD and later being a lecturer would be my job no.1. But the greedy me wants to have that job no.2. 

But after all, we must believe in Allah's plan. There is a reason Allah put me here today and not baking in an all-pink cafe or signing autographs at a book launch or singing to cute little kids in a kindergarten. I hope one day I can update in here about my other job, other than teaching Immunology to some scientist-to-be in USM. InshaAllah.

To you readers who are currently pursuing your passion, I am still envious of :P (in a good way okay?) and I wish you all the best in your future undertakings. Let's make the world a better place to live no matter what we do, ey?

Till then.

**Updated: It's not about the money, it's not about being rich. Well if the passion comes with money, that's a bonus. Those people I mentioned above, they turned their passion into money, which is good. It's a bonus for them. But in my case, I can't even tell you what I'm passionate about. That's what the entry is all about. 

Awkward moments.

#1

Just two of you working in the lab. You spin your cells for 5 mins. The other person is working in the laminar flow hood. You really have nothing else to do while waiting for your cells-taking off the labcoat, walking to the office, sit down for 2 mins then it's time, so might as well just wait in the lab. So you look around, and move around. You want to initiate a small talk, but then you hesitate because that other person is really concentrating on his/her experiment, and...the awkward silence fills the lab. 5 mins later, 'Teeeeeeeet', the centrifuge beeps. 'Thank God!'

#2

You are washing your hand in the restroom. Then your supervisor walks out from the toilet stall and start washing her hands as well. You stand beside each other. It gets really awkward, either you make gestures to show that you notice her (smile or say hi or simply nod) or just do nothing because toilet really is an awkward place to be with your supervisor. What more if you know she's sitting in the toilet stall next to you and you start hearing sound..you know..that sound.

#3

Again, two of you are working in the lab, side by side. You rarely talk to this person. You share nothing in common. But then it starts to get really awkward when both of you are doing experiment next to each other for quite sometime, and do not utter a single word to each other. Suddenly comes a third person (Phewwwwww), either to break the silence by talking to either of you, or he/she could just start doing his/her work right away and continues on with the silence. But now the awkwardness is kinda diluted so you don't feel it as much compared to before. 

#4

You have to go on a 30-min bus ride with you supervisor to another hospital because the equipment in your lab is broken, and he is the only person who can operate this alternative equipment. The moment you know it's going to happen you starts to feel fidgety. Deep down you wish that the bus is kinda full so there won't be no two side-by-side seats available. As Plan B, you start making scripts in your mind. You want to avoid having that awkward silence so you think of as much topics to talk to your supervisor about as possible.  But when you get on the bus, the two-seater are the only available seats and because you are to conscious about your list/script, you forget them altogether. And there is no way out but to face the awkwardness.

And guess what, this whole awkwardness may not be a solitary thing after all. That other person might also feel the awkwardness that you feel. So all iz well. :P

True colors

I hate it when science shows its true colors. For the past two months, a lot of things didn't work for me. My cells were not growing (despite being the easiest cell line to work with which made me feel really stupid), my experiments didn't work, and half way through my analysis I found out a major mistake and had to re-do everything which could take weeks to finish but we need the results pronto.

Story of my life.

I've been telling myself that I need a break, a retreat and after that I will be bouncing again. But truth is I just said that to make me feel better. Alasan. 

I really hope after this Christmas and New Year break everything will be right on track again. I need to have good results before I leave for my wedding leave. I know it's 4 months down the line but that's the nature of my work, results are in not in 1-2 weeks, but 1-2 months. 

I SERIOUSLY NEED TO BUCK UP!

Two is better than one.

Officially entered my second year on Oct 1.

Came back to work with a bad news-my mice recognized proteins instead of glycolipid.

Now brainstorming like crazy to set up another round of immunisation, hoping to get anti-glycolipid response.

In the meantime, I have been doing immunohistochemistry (staining of cancer tissue to see expression of antigen of interest). I once dreamt of being a pathologist. Thank God I didn't do anything to realize that dream; the work is tedious and boring, even though those tissues look kinda pretty under the microscope (I know I shouldn't be saying that because they are cancerous tissues, but still)

Hoping to get decent results before I can break it to my supervisor that I want another 1-month holiday in April. 

 

First time I did IHC I took almost 7 hours. 

Turned out we used the wrong kit.

 But the slides still stain beautifully :P 

kthxbai!

Guernsey

Every year, each PhD student will get to mentor two sets of students, 3rd year medicine students (Nov-Jan) and Masters students (March-August). They come to the lab to do a mini research project as part of  their respective degrees. So we, the PhD students are called 'bench supervisors' as our responsibility includes training them for certain laboratory skills they need to complete their mini project. They are attached to us based on the similarity of both our projects. And sometimes we get to steal their results too because it's so relevant to us! Haha. But of course, we would acknowledge each other :P

Since I just started in October and in no doubt I myself needed some training at that time, I didn't get to mentor the medicine students. I started mentoring a Masters student last March and yesterday was her last day. There were times that I felt the 'urgghhhss' and 'arrghhss' but overall, I am thankful I got one good student, not to mention she's pretty too luls. Gay much. She gave a box of Cadbury Roses and wrote me a lovely but funny note. In our many conversations I mentioned to her about me having to go back home after I finish PhD to teach, and told her how lousy of a teacher I can be. But in her note she said 'You're a brilliant teacher and I've no doubt you'll go far'. Awww that breaks my heart. But really this whole mentoring thing is a good training for my future teaching years in USM. Once, we talked about her future plan and she said she had none she thought of sweeping Tesco's floor. LOL. Since I am going to steal some of her results, she reminded me not to forget to mention her in my future paper (InshaAllah) while she's working in Tesco ;) Oh not to forget, because of her now I know the existence of Channel Islands called Guernsey and Sark because she's from there. 

Au revoir, Jade!

Don't you worry, there my honey

We might not have any money. But we've got our love to pay the bills.

-You and I; Ingrid Michaelson-

Well we know that's unrealistic. Yolah sangat love boleh bayar bill. I stull love the song, nonetheless :P

Motifnya nak cakap pasal scholarship lagi and ada kaitan dengan 'don't worry' tiba-tiba teringat lagu tu lol.

OK let's get serious.

So another question I discussed with a friend not long time ago was regarding pursuing PhD but having enough fund/secured scholarship for Master level only. Fret not my dear, you are not too far from achieving your dream :)

Biasalah kadang-kadang kerenah birokrasi kan. Certain sponsors just want to sponsor up to Master level kononnya taknak take the risk if their scholars can't complete the PhD studies. Or that you've saved money just enough to enrol to Master studies.

Go for the Master studies. Masters in the UK usually takes a year or 2 semesters and in the last 3-6 months you'll be attach to some lab doing some research (speaking for science-related field). This is when you get to know people and potential supervisors for your PhD. Ask them if they have spots available for PhD studentship in the next academic year. And, going back to what I mentioned in my previous post, apply for the international student scholarship. By being a current student (studying Master), you increase the possibility in securing the scholarship, plus you'll get recommendations from people from within the university (your Master's lecturers/potential supervisors). Another thing is that they give discounts for tuition fee for returning students (ex-Master, now a PhD student). Win-win situation I guess?

This might sound obvious but hey I learned about it from my friends here who went through the experience, so not so obvious lah, at least for me :P

So don't worry about not having enough fund. Love can pay for school, NOT! There's a way, you gotta dig deep! Hehehe *get what the title is all about now??*

I can only think of another entry about this whole scholarship thing. So to keep this going I need your help to give me ideas/ask questions. I might not have answers to them but I will try to find them for you :) Help me help you, deal?

Till then, Salam.

James Bond.

Education. Opportunities. Educational opportunities. These two have been my favorite subjects over these past few years. Whenever people bring up these topics to me, I immediately light up and feel so eager to engage in the discussion. Tee hee hee. *semangat habis* 

I've got quite a lot of questions from my friends but much to my delight, I've also received Facebook messages from acquaintances asking for information/advice on these things. Admittedly, I only know a tiny little fraction of the gazillion information out there, but when someone sent me a message telling me he got an offer to do PhD and thanked me for the advice/tips I gave him through this little space of mine, I felt really honored. I'm sure he first thanked Allah for He's the one who made it happened, but the fact somebody took my words seriously and gained from it, I couldn't be happier. Alhamdulillah.

So on one fine night (which was tonight), while having shower (if you know me I usually have my Eureka! moments in the shower), I decided to do this more seriously. If one person could benefit from my advice through private Skype sessions or Facebook messages (with my limited experience and knowledge, which may be outdated in certain cases :P), I might as well share it here so that more people could benefit from it, InsyaALLAH.

So let's cut to the chase. 

Q: 

Where can I find scholarships that are not bonded? (The question was intended for postgraduate studies)

A: 

It comes down to where you want to pursue your studies and what level-Master/PhD. 

Master in the US/UK: I do not know that many local sponsors that are not bonded. I believe JPA only offers their ex-degree scholars to do Master under their sponsorship. It's a bit tricky with MARA because they keep changing their policy from year to year, which all comes down to whether they have money or not in that particular year (sort of) :P. With MARA, even though you are not bonded, you have to sort of pay a fraction of the sponsored amount after you finish (have to double check). CIMB offers CIMB Regional Scholarship where you are not bonded with them but as they say in their website 'you must contribute back to the region by working in any ASEAN country for a minimum of three years upon graduation'. As for Yayasan Khazanah, you have to work with Khazanah Nasional/Khazanah Linked companies or Goverment-Linked Companies (GLC) for a duration equal to the length of your study. Another sponsor which I just came to know about when I started my PhD is Islamic Development Bank. They give scholarships to nationals from participating countries (Malaysia included) and you must be attached to some organizations at your home country when you apply and must return home to contribute to your country.  

However, a great way to have a non-bonded scholarship is to secure International Student Scholarship from the university you are applying to. I think this was my biggest mistake. I always thought it's really competitive to get the type of scholarship so I ended up not applying. Well, belum cuba belum tahu. So while you are applying to the uni, might as well check their available funding and apply to the ones that are relevant for you, in most case the International Student Scholarship. 

PhD in the US: Good thing about doing PhD in the US is, the offer normally comes with scholarship, in which they would waive your tuition fee and they would give you annual stipend (for personal expenses). I am pretty sure you will not be bonded in any way with the offer. Murah hati kan diorang? 

PhD in the UK: Well, unfortunately, UK tak semurah hati US. You need to get some sort of funding before they can offer you admission to their PhD programs. Most of UK researches are funded by private organizations and these mostly are exclusive for EU/UK students. Non-EU students like us must find our own funding, and if you look from organizations from Malaysia, most likely it's gonna be bonded scholarships. But again, you can apply to International Student Scholarship from the university like I mentioned above. 

My advice would be to be proactive in looking for potential sponsors. They are a lot of sponsors out there, you just have to be aware of their advertisements and deadlines. Sponsors open their applications at different time of the year and they advertise in different ways (website, newspaper) so you really have to get on top of things. Take it from someone who always check websites just a few days after they close their applications :P.


Footnote:
CIMB, Yayasan Khazanah and Islamic Development Bank offer scholarships for both Master and PhD at top graduate schools.

Links:
CIMB Regional Scholarship
Yayasan Khazanah
Islamic Development Bank
MARA
Previous post: PhD: The Process

Salam :)

Sleepy Friday

Guess what?

I'm gonna put up my Western blot image again! Bahahaha. My blog has turned so nerdy nowadays. Fret not, it'll be colored with interesting posts in the near future *hint hint*

You don't have to understand it, enough to know that these two black and white pictures made me so happy this week! I have been working on it for almost two months, trying to isolate a pure sample, and voila! I finally got it! Alhamdulillah. Now the real challenge begins. But I'll only start to worry about it after I'm back from my holiday in September *wah macam dah boleh bercuti sekarang je kan*

On another note, Ramadhan is just around the corner. It'll be my first time fasting during summer time (kalau dipanjangkan umur). At first when I learned that Ramadhan is going to be in summer, I was like, 'Errrr, boleh ke ni?' But of course lah kena bolehkan jugak kan, takkan taknak puasa kot? Biasalah reaction manusia huhu. When I puasa 1 Rejab the other day, it wasn't that bad at all. Walaupun puasa from 3 am to 9 pm (roughly), tahap kelaparan tu masih boleh dibendung. Takde la lembik sangat bila tiba time berbuka tu. So yeah, lesson learned, tak payah nak mengeluh dulu sebelum cuba :| So sempena Ramadhan yang bakal tiba, I'd like to wish my Muslim readers, Ramadhan Mubarak! *wish macam artis*

Next time I post in here, hopefully it'll not be pictures of Western blots, but something really really different :P

Till we meet again.

Salam.

Tingkatkan prestasi, kurangkan kontroversi.

Exactly what I need to do now. Well maybe not controversy though, maybe complaining and being lazy would suit my situation better.

I am pretty sure everyone is experiencing this- lack of motivation, having love hate relationship with bed in the morning, Mon-Tue-Wed-Thu-Fri blues etc, be it you are working 9-5 job or a PhD student. I know it's not fair to compare one over the other, but I think it is easier to lose focus and drive while doing PhD.

This month alone I have been going through a lot of dramas (PhD dramas that is)-broken centrifuge, failed western blots and failed trips to the other hospital which is 30 minutes away because 1) the rotor I brought didn't fit the centrifuge 2) they didn't have enough tubes for me to use (sorry if some of you can't understand what I said huhu). But between the failures, I did celebrate the fact that I passed my first year assessment that made me an official PhD candidate. But really, if I can plot my motivasi/prestasi graph, it'll look like ombak. Naik turun naik turun in the matter of days.

I don't know if this is normal, maybe it is. So what I normally do is whenever I feel down, I'd let myself bermalas malasan as in melayan the unmotivated feelings but at the same time promise myself to get back up again afterwards. Walaupun down sebab experiments tak jadi, I have to keep telling myself that every experiment helps me to answer one little question. It may not be the answer I expect, but at least it tells me what not to do next. Kena lah bersabar walau kena repeat the same exact experiments 10 kali pun. Huhu.

OK lah, cukuplah membebel. Enjoy my western blot yang tak berapa nak jadi ni. Next week I'll bounce again, pinky promise :P

June!

Submitted my first year report and review yesterday.

Alhamdulillah, I made it on time.

Hopefully my internal examiner likes it and would pass me to go on to the second year.

I'm now a free woman, at least until I got the date for my viva :P

Update.

Assalammualaikum w.b.t

Back in the mood :)

So few updates from my last post:

1. Supervisor agreed to let me go home in August! And and I already bought the tickets!! Yay me! That's ermmm 3 months from now. It's gonna be a roller coaster ride for me for these 3 months-first year review and report to be submitted by June 1, first year viva probably in middle of June, mice immunisation sometime end of June (big experiment!) and a whole lot of little experiments in between. It's gonna be crazy but it's okay, come August I'm gonna have total relaxation, not even gonna think about work during my one-month holiday. Looking forward to go home, insyALLAH if dipanjangkan umur, something is going to happen this coming Raya :)

2. Reached another milestone in my PhD journey: gave my first departmental seminar last Tuesday. Alhamdulillah it went well :) My future internal examiner gave a good comment; actually I secretly dedicated this presentation to him so that when he assess me for my viva later, he's gonna be easy on me because he's seen it all. Basically what I presented is going to be in my report, so technically he could have assessed me then. The presentation gave me some confidence boost, now I feel like taking it to the next level:to give a presentation at an external conference.

3. It's good that we get about 15 hours of sunshine now. Syuruk is about 5 and Maghrib is almost 9. I don't feel the urge to go home sharp 5 now like last Winter. Pukul 4 dah gelap, hati pun bergelora je nak balik. Nowadays I stay back till about 7, qada time balik awal mase Winter dulu heh. But it's also gonna be my first time to fast for loooong hours this coming July. Dulu kat US ada chance nak try but every summer balik Malaysia, memang tak merasa lah. Bunyi macam lama gila kena puasa but Allah will certainly make it easy for us here :)

That's all folks.

Akhir kata, terimalah gambar Western blot ku yang jadi tak jadi ni. LOL

PhD:The Process

Salam,

Happy Friday everyone! 

So since several people have asked me this question, I thought why not do some good and put it in the blog so that others can learn as well. Honestly I thought I have blogged about it before, but after I checked, I just blogged about my interview experience, and nothing on the application process. 

So my dear friends, here you go. Oh btw, this is application process for UK universities :)

1. Where do you start? How do you find projects?

There could have been so many different ways, but it's only fair I share what I've experienced. When I started applying early 2011, I did it in two ways. 

I came across this useful website, findaphd.com. At first I thought it's an unreliable website, but it turned out pretty reliable. Professors/supervisors will 'advertise' their available projects through the website. 

When you get into the website, type in your field of interest, and voila!, there you a list of available projects, together with the supervisors contact details, funding information and other details. Easy peasy lemon squeeeezy!

My second method was to go directly to the university's website, and see if they advertise there. Nottingham doesn't do this, but Manchester does! (I applied to these two only :P) *click picture to see larger image*

It's just an example. Other universities might have different ways to put the projects in their website, so look hard!

2. How do you approach the professors/supervisors? What do you say in your e-mail?

So after you've picked the project you like the most, start e-mailing the professors/supervisors to ask if the available project (on the website) is still available. Give a little bit of background of yourself, mention your interest and then wait for reply.

My very first e-mail to my now supervisor.

Her reply.

The changing of e-mails takes quite sometime because it's the 'sesi suai kenal' between you and your potential supervisor. They will ask so many questions, and hey you should too! You want to spend 3/4 years doing things you like with people you can easily approach, so it's crucial to get your questions, (and theirs) answered. And as you already know, they are busy people, so they don't attend to every e-mails every single day. Patience is the key!

3. What's next?

The process for US and UK application is quite distinct. I think for US, you find the program you like, apply online, interview, and wait for the decision. You don't get to choose your specific project just yet. You'll spend the first 2 years of your PhD doing lab rotations, and the end of that you choose which lab you'd like to work in and work on your project.

For UK, you choose your specific project right away. No lab rotations, you go straight into the lab and start working. That's why PhD in the UK is shorter than in the US. 

At some point of your e-mail changing, the professors/supervisors will ask for an interview to be held. Remember, at this point you haven't officially applied to the university yet. More on interview in this entry. After the interview, they will give you sort of verbal confirmation (usually very prompt) that you may now apply through their online system. Then, you wait. Dup dap dup dap dup dap

Decision time.

ACCEPTED! 

Alhamdulillah.

I hope this helps, if not a lot, just a little tiny bit :P I could go on talking about funding or other related issues, like choosing your supervisor (of course in another entry) if you want me to :)

I have been scammed!

Literature review is a scam.

It is one thing in life that has no ending.

In the morning, you sit down comfortably at your desk, sipping coffee (not in my case), and fix your eyes on a piece of paper (or many, to be exact) that you just printed from Google Scholar. You highlight some texts, you nod, you jot down notes, you nod again, you frown a little, you scratch your head, highlight more texts, and if you are lucky you have some Eureka! moment, one page done, two page done, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve and then you come to the references list (phewwhh), you highlight one reference, two reference, then three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and then you realized 'Dang it did I just highlight ten references????' 

How is it not a scam, you tell me!!!

p/s: Pardon me, I am having rough weeks since last week I'd lose my sanity if this goes on until next week. Let's hope I don't lose wires up here.

Picture from Google.

One step at time.

On Monday, couple of weeks ago, I did some experiments. I remembered it was two or three separate experiments I did that day. One after another, I found myself frustrated looking at the results. All my hard work from the previous week were in vain. If you must know, normally scientific experiments don't just take a day. It's normally a build up of small procedures of many days, before you get the final result, say after 3-4 days. So yeah, how can you not get frustrated after knowing on the 4th day that your experiment is worth nothing? Technically it doesn't worth nothing because we must hold the principle 'negative results are also results!' But still, I can't help but feel a bit down.

Then the next day I sat with my supervisor to discuss my results. She pointed what could have gone wrong and how I can improve my experiment. We also planned what experiments I should do for that whole week. Before I left her room, she asked me, 'Are you happy?' I answered nonchalantly, 'Yes, at least for this week -__-.' Then she said something that struck me, 'Sometimes it takes a week at a time'. 

Alhamdulillah, the next few days everything worked out fine, not excellent but fine. I managed to get decent results, enough to get me going. Her words can never be more true. I can't expect to get all good results. It's normal to find a glitch in carrying out experiments. That's what research is all about; it's not about getting excellent results all the time so that you can publish them *it's GREAT if yours turn out to be excellent ALL.THE.TIME*, but it's also learning from your mistake and improving/correcting them so you won't do the same thing the next time. I should be fine, I will be fine, InsyALLAH.

As a last note, I'd like to dedicate this song to myself *boleh ke camtu? haha* and also to others who are struggling in whatever you guys are doing. Remember, sometimes it takes one step a time.

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

PhD Journey:The first three months

Salam,

So it's been three months since I embarked on my journey to the west (no, not that Chinese TV show). I thought I'd share my experience so far.

1. I get a lot of 'Don't you have class today?' from people. No, I don't have classes at all. However it varies for people from different field. My friend doing PhD in Business has to attend classes like undergrads and she has assignments too! I go to my lab/office on a daily basis to do my lab work or on some days, I just go to read journals, plan future experiments and go on Facebook. I try to come 9-5 everyday, just like an average working person. PhD students share a room, have their own desks and like my school, they provide laptops to us students. This, again, varies from school to school. Ada yang dapat bilik sendiri, ada yang dapat desktop but not laptop.

2. No more assignments, and the best of all, no more exams yo!! Occasionally I have to do presentations and once a year, there'll be assessment to see if I could proceed to the next year of research. 

3. For these first three months, I started doing some small assays/experiments in the lab. Most of the time it's optimization experiments, where I optimize conditions for my experiment before I do the actual one. Agak-agak boleh faham tak? Huhu. For example, now I'm working with T-lymphocytes, so I optimized my Western Blot conditions i.e. how many cells to put in each lane to get a good visible band, transfer time, blocking time yada yada yada. Maaf orang luar bidang sains, harap boleh faham ye.

4. Here comes the not-so-interesting part - literature review! It's endless I tell you. When you read one journal article, it leads you to the next one, then the next one, then the next one it takes forever. One day you read about one particular topic, and suddenly while reading an article, you get a Eureka! moment and the next thing you know, you are on Google Scholar looking for another paper from a different topic. Well that's part of learning. You have to do a lot of reading in scientific research. Nak tahu background pasal your project, then nak tahu methods apa orang pakai, nak cari ways to improve the methods and the list goes on and on. My project revolves on these three things - T-lymphocytes, monoclonal antibodies, and glycolipid. Immunology kahwin dengan Biochemistry. Baru dua discipline dah berjuta nak kena baca, macam manalah orang yang buat multidisciplines tu.

5. Also, since I'm not super busy, I chose to attend as many short courses as possible. These short courses are organized either by the Graduate School or the library. So far I've attended Endnote course, some Microsoft Office courses, and some research methods courses. There are so many to choose from: statistics, presentation skills, academic writing skills, lab safety, language skills (they even have pronunciation class) etc. Some courses are pretty basic, like some of the Office courses I attended. However, I picked up some little tricks that I have never known before, like how to 'Enter' in the same cell for Microsoft Excel (LOL). My ex-boss is a Microsoft Office 'guru'. Man, that guy is like an Office expert. Serba tahu pasal features in Word and Excel. Sebab tu lah jugak I attend all these courses, I wanna be a 'guru' like him. Hehe.

I guess that's all for now. Now I'm entering my fourth month (ceh macam pregnant pulak, now entering second trimester haha), I need to be more proactive in terms of my lab work, have to plan and execute the plan, get all the small questions answered that'll eventually lead me to answer bigger questions. 

My first year assessment will be in June, hopefully everything will go smooth and silky. 

Permudahkanlah, Ya Allah!

Two thousand twelve: R&R

No no, it's not Rehat dan Rawat.

It's Reflections and Resolutions.

Biasalah awal-awal tahun semua pun nak post pasal the year that has gone and the new year that has come.  Myself included. It's a good way for me to start writing again for I have forgotten how writing in here is actually a good mental therapy.

2011 was a pretty good year to me.

1. Started off with getting the offer letter from USM in December 2010 and spent three months after that looking for universities and PhD projects.

2. Resigned from my job at the most appropriate time in June and helped Mama with her business in July and August.

3. Embarked on my PhD journey at Nottingham in September.

4. Got my first nephew just last week.

5. Went through a series of heartaches *ayat nak gempak je kau*. Crushed on someone, and got crashed later.

6. Strengthen the bond with my girls.

7. Found new love. *ihiks*

On my way back to Nottingham from Birmingham Airport last weekend, I was looking at my nephew's picture on Facebook and then it hit me, how instant our lives can change, how time flies. I still remember the moment when my sister broke the news to me about her being pregnant, and now she's given birth to the cute lil boy named Raaid Riffqy. Then I reflect on how not grateful I am for all the good things that Allah has given me. I always complained to Mama that I don't have this and that. When I heard the news of someone getting married or having a baby I couldn't help being a little envious. I forgot that Allah has given me rezeki in another form. It might not be a life partner or a baby, but I am here halfway across the globe away from my family, doing my doctorate degree. Who knows those people whom I am envious of wish to be in my shoes right now. Manusia memang tak pernah puas. 'Grass is always greener on the other side' lah konon. I pray that I will be contented with what I have now and leave it to Allah to do the rest. Amin. Belajar bersyukur dengan apa yang ada, rezeki orang lain lain.

So for 2012, my resolutions would be..

1. To get married. 

Kidding! Baru je cakap biar Allah do the rest. Hehe. Actually it was in plan 4 years ago. My ex and I got together on 12.12.06 so we being 'gatal' planned to get married on 12.12.12 *sungguh tak matang*. Now dah tak jadi apa, bila fikir balik lawak lah pulak. After all 12.12.12 is on Wednesday, siapa nak datang majlis kau nyah?? But tell me siapa yang couple but not think about marrying that person, kan?  *Bila check calendar, sah tahun ni ramai orang kawin on 10.11.12 sebab hari Sabtu. Selamat pengantin baru in advanced lah ye!*

2. To be more disciplined. 

Doing a PhD is not merely about doing a novel research, writing that thick dissertation and attaining that 'Dr' title at the end. It is also about learning about yourself - how you manage time, plan your work, work-life balance, how to manage stress etc. I must admit I'm struggling with time management. Since there's no punch card or whatever system in placed, I could come and leave anytime I want. All this while, the one thing that keep me on the track is 'the stare and the mouth'. You know when you come in late, people give you this look macam you buat salah terbesar di dunia and when you leave early, you bump into someone and he/she would say, 'Is it 5 already?' Like seriously? But thanks to those people at least I try to come before 10 and leave after 4.30 :P But seriously I should and must do better than that so that I will finish on time, and reunited with my loved ones at the end of 2014. Amin.

I guess that's the only resolution for this year. Other than that it's same old same old, no need for a new year to be a better daughter, sister, aunt *this is new*, friend, and most importantly, a better Muslim. :)

Let's hold on to each other when the going gets tough, shall we?

Happy new year, everyone!

Baby step.

Salam,

I hit one of my milestones this week-gave my first ever presentation as a postgrad student. My audience was only 10 -___- but hey it was a good number for a start, no? It's to prep me for the next presentation in a couple of months, in front of 30+ people.

So the presentation was more of an introduction to my lab group about my project, my plan yada yada yada all those boring stuff. It's not thesis defense, but I somehow felt like it was, when people question  my hypothesis, my method, why do this not that etc. I found this paper by one Japanese group and I really want to try their method. So I presented the paper and little that I know it would create a heated debate during the presentation. 

The whole one and the half hour of the presentation, one hour was spent discussing/arguing whether or not I should do it. At first I was very demotivated and confused, I thought I was fooling myself in front of 10 brainy people. But then after the presentation was over, my supervisors came to me saying that I did a good job, that my presentation managed to get people to think.

At the end of the day, although I was left with more things to ponder, more journals to read and more questions to answer, I am satisfied.

And decided to reward myself with....PIZZA! Haha

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate - Oprah Winfrey

I'm doing just that :P

Wordful Wednesday

A new place,  a new beginning.

Sounds cliche, right? But that's the truth, at least to me. I have been waiting for the opportunity to start anew. Last time when I decided to come back to Malaysia a year earlier than I was supposed to, I had my reasons. I wanted to leave that dark life I had in the States, and start a new chapter back home.

Now, I am in a totally new place, I am opening a new chapter of my life book. 

Being in a new place gives you a whole lot of different opportunities for you to play around with. But it all come down to, do you want to be better, or do you want to be worst? 

I choose to be better. InsyaALLAH.

You might ask why do you need a new place, just to better yourself? You can do it anywhere. Judgements, that's what I want to avoid. No, I'm not saying people back home are judgemental. I was the judge. I was being judgemental to myself. Something in me said it's hard, it's not doable. I was the staring eyes to my own self. 

Now that I'm in a new place, those staring eyes are no longer there. I am free to do what I want. The judgemental me is still here, but minus the staring eyes, I feel better about bettering myself, if that make sense.

I promise to myself, this new journey of mine, will not only reward me with the most sought-after title, but it will also bring me closer to my Creator. So when I come home in three years time, I will be the all-rounded person that PhD training should produce, and also a better Muslimah, InsyALLAH.

p/s: Tomorrow marks a month of me being here. Looking forward to the 35 months to come :) 

Do you know that..

1. The Brits also eat kek batik? Had it during our weekly lab group meeting today. Used to promote it as 'Malaysian Brownie' to the Americans. RIT peeps, kek batik tak 'Malaysian' sangat dah lah hehe.

2. The Brits also have pasar malam? Well not really like our own pasar malam. They sell used items, just anything everything. Langsir, baju, buku, carpet, frames, kasut, bags, pinggan mangkuk, make ups, toys just name it. Ada juga benda baru, like sale items they bought long time ago and never worn/used. Got myself two pashminas for 1 pound each. My housemate bought a raincoat for 2 pounds. Good bargain seh. Oh, actually the familiar term would be 'carboot sale' but then the one I went to just now takde cars, tapi sebijik macam pasar malam, ada khemah and meja bagai. Ada snap gambar tapi malas nak transfer pulak. Sambutan amat-amat menggalakkan. Almost everyone either carried a big shopping bag, or a shopping trolley yang mak-mak bawak g pasar. Maksudnya diorang memang pergi dan berniat untuk angkut banyak barang. Wonder if it'll work the same in Malaysia. Baju bajan maybe dah ada la kot, those bazaars kat KL yang fashionista dok jual baju diorang tu, nampak macam laku je.

.

Ni takde kaitan dengan title.

3. Tadi first time start buat lab work after tinggalkan for more than a year. Nervous sampai pegang pipette pun tak betul. And first time jugak deal dengan blood sample. I survived Hybridoma class di mana bunuh mice tetiap minggu adalah rutin, so I should be fine with blood, just this time it's human blood. Grrrrr

4. Ayah is now a pensioner. Pagi-pagi buka laptop baca offline YM message Ayah hantar, it made my day. Ayah wrote,

'Hi baby, sorry tak reply message. Today Ayah officially retire from government service. See you later alligator'

Part 'See you later alligator' yang made my day tu. Penat ajar Mama Ayah cakap these two phrases:

'See you later, alligator' and jawab 'In a while, crocodile'. Mama asyik lupa je. Bila orang cakap dia sengih sengih lupa nak jawab apa. Tak sangka Ayah ingat :))

Selamat berpencen Dadi! Enjoy your retirement...NOT! Ayah landed himself a job with Pharmaniaga. He will be doing some software programming with them, I think. Dari kecik barang kat rumah penuh dengan Pharmaniaga je, dari ubat, sampai towel, pen, t-shirt sampaikan multicooker yang guna untuk masak pun cap Pharmaniaga. Corporate gifts katanya. Tapi harus ke multicooker letak cap Pharmaniaga??

Multicooker 

(gambar hiasan courtesy of Pak cik Google)

Had it easy...

Assalammualaikum..

Alhamdulillah I have safely arrived in Nottingham; endured the 13 hours flight, thanks to my previous experience of almost 24 hours flight to the States, 13 was pretty easy.

Before I came a lot of people have been telling me how I'm going to compare life in the States and in the UK, in which they prefer the States. But so far, I must say they are even. I hope I won't compare as much, because you know, why waste time comparing and complaining what you had before, and what you don't have. After all past is past, just live your present life lah kan?

But allow me to just make some points here. I've just moved into my permanent housing this morning. I know it's too early to make comparisons, but there are clear differences between what I had in the States, and what I'll have here in Notts. I'm just gonna sum up before I even lay out those points..

I clearly had it easy in the States.

1. Last time I lived in on-campus accommodation. Now I live about 20-minutes bus ride away from campus, and have to take two buses to reach campus. However, I chose to live here because my lab will be based in the City Hospital, which is just 2 mins away by bus, and 10 minutes walking.

2. I paid about $300 a month for accommodation in the States, inclusive of utility bills (water, electricity and internet). Here, the house is 450 pounds per month, shared with 4 people, utilities not included. Plus utility bills, I might pay up to 200 pounds per month. 

3. It makes a lot of difference if your rent is inclusive of utilities or not. Usage of heater during cold seasons really gonna poke a hole in your pocket, kalau tak berjimat. That said, I'm now typing this post with a sweater on, socks on, and I'm covered with duvet from head to toe. Reason? We want to save up on electricity bill so no heater until it's really really really cold. 

4. Last time, we had a laundry room outside the house. We had to share it with the whole community within the same housing complex. During winter, some of us even ran out of clothes to wear because we were so lazy nak redah sejuk and snow, so we waited until it's really really necessary to go out and do laundry. Here, the washing machine is in the kitchen, so yay! no problem during winter, but nayyyy we don't have a dryer! Now that sun is still shining, okay lah nak sidai baju dekat luar. I'm yet to figure out how I'm gonna dry my clothes during winter. Some said they just dry their clothes by hanging them on the heater. Hurrmmmm..

5. Oh about transportation, since I lived on-campus, transportation to the campus was FOC. I could also walk if I missed the bus. Now it's all different. I have to load some amount of money onto my Student Card to use as bus fare daily. I saw a promotional ads on-campus the other day, 179 pounds for all-year-long. Gonna catch the promotion before it ends.

That's pretty much it, so far. 

I'm not complaining, really. My friends from other unis back in the States, they had experienced all that. I guess me and my friends at RIT really had it easy. Now that I'm in their shoes, I'm thankful for the easiness Allah gave me before, and I'm even thankful that I get to have a totally different experience here. 

May I take the best out of this experience, InsyALLAH.