Qaiser Mateen Birth Story

**May this be a reminder for me and H, the moments before we called ourselves parents, and for our firstborn Qaiser Mateen to learn how he came about to this world.**

Monday 6 June

Petang around 4 pm macam tu pergi jenguk Mamunchkin (our milkshake kiosk at Taman Perpaduan Ipoh. Asyik tangguh nak post about this), buat apa yang patut. Masa kat situ dah rasa tak sedap perut, but I didn't think I was having surges because I know how it feels like sebab masa miscarriage first time haritu dah rasa. I thought it was the maternity jeans that made me so uncomfortable. Sempat jugak pergi bazaar belakang kedai. Tapi on the way balik rumah, dalam kereta, dah macam cacing kepanasan, tak boleh duduk diam. Still thought it was the jeans -___- sampai sumpah taknak pakai dah jeans tu huhu.

Sampai rumah, I sat on the gym ball, and H gave me light touch massage (one of the massage techniques we learned from the Hypnobirthing class) to calm me down. It worked! I felt fine throughout the rest of the night.

Tuesday 7 June

It was a normal day. Tak rasa apa-apa.

Wednesday 8 June

Again, around 4 pm macamtu rasa tak sedap perut. Sempat jugak pergi bazaar kt Stadium Ipoh with H and my parents. Balik tu rasa 'maybe I should time the surges', so I did. The surges were irregular, but ada masanya app tu said something like 'You should go to the hospital now'. We were like, naaaahh it couldn't be right. So malam tu layan je la surges tu. Whatsapp-ed my sister, and she said it could be Braxton Hicks contractions since it was irregular. Mama pulak before pergi night duty malam tu, dah siap2 pack kurma and air zam-zam, in case I went into labor that night. She is doing locum dekat pusat bersalin yang kitorang decide nak pergi.

Thursday 9 June

3 am

Bermulalah episod 'purging' atau 'membuang'. Lepas sahur around 6 am tu pergi lagi toilet. Pelik jugak, ingat macam kena food poisoning ke sebab semalam tu ade beli pecal kt bazaar, takde la kata basi tapi tu je boleh fikir time tu. Tapi everybody was fine, it was just me.

8 am

Another 'purging' session. Bila Mama balik from night duty pagi tu, tanya Mama ada sakit perut ke, Mama said yes. So betul la kot sebab bazaar.

9.30 am

I asked mommies dalam Telegram Hypnobirthing Support Group (awesome mommies yang rajin share tips and tricks) pasal 'purging' before labor and also about my irregular surges. Ada yang kata maybe dehydration, ada yang kata practice labor. So I just waited it out.

10 am

Masa nak  mandi, baru sedar ada 'bloody show'. Stayed calm, told Mama and Mama suruh mandi hot shower and after that she would do VE. My mom is certified midwife :) So lepas mandi she did VE on me, dah 4 cm. Rupanya I was in real labor, LOL. Boleh ingat food poisoning. Siap-siap barang semua, had breakfast (nak beranak uols, kena la bukak pose :P) and off we went to Pusat Pakar Permata Raaofah. Mama estimated I would deliver before bukak puasa, so dah bagitau Ayah siap2 nanti datang around 6pm bawak makanan untuk berbuka.

12 pm

Sampai je PPPR, terus masuk labor room sebab dah 4 cm. Masa sampai-sampai tu dah bagi the nurses on duty my birth plan. Basically in my birth plan I set out to deliver in the most gentle and natural way possible - no drugs, no episiotomy, no unnecessary interventions, delay cord clamping, direct skin-to-skin, allow time for breast crawl, breastfeeding and family bonding right after birth and few other things.

Midwife on duty buat another VE, dah 5cm. She alerted Dr. Raaofah, she gave me 2 hours to get to 7 cm, kalau tak she would rupture the membrane. Huhu. So selama 2 jam tu alternate walking around the hospital and duduk atas gym ball. Bile surge datang, I did the surge breathing while visualizing rainbow balloons, and my three babies (2 from the previous pregnancies) main-main dalam taman syurga, and eventually one baby (the one I was carrying) slid down the rainbow to meet me in real world. Aih susah nak explain hahaha. But memang setiap kali surge datang I visualized the same thing and that helped me manage the 'pain'.  This is one of the techniques we learned from the class, to hypnotize yourself as one way of pain management.

2 pm

Midwife did another VE, it was 6 cm. Dang it. Dah nervous dah sebab kalau tak 7 cm doc akan buat ROM. Rasanya masa ni diorang dah put me on IV drip, katanya utk baby. I wanted to refuse it tapi sebab diri sendiri tak buat homework pasal IV drip ni, so redha je la. But midwife still allow me to be off the bed, takde lah keras je duduk atas katil.

3.30 pm

Doc masuk, did another VE. Berapa banyak kali VE daaaa. Padahal dalam birth plan dah kata max 3. Again, redha. Masa ni 7 cm kot. Tetibe rasa banyak air keluar, rupenye mase doc buat VE tu my water broke dengan sendiri nya. And there was light meconium stain in the fluid..dalam kata lainnya baby dah berak sikit..

Lepas tu, bermulalah intense surges yang hmmppphh..lupe dah macamana rasanya. A few times midwife tanya and my mom tanya nak Entenox (the laughing gas) tak, I kept declining. Dalam kepala ada la a few times bila surge datang tu fikir arghhh nak amik je la gas tu, tapi dapat tahan jugak dari keluar kata-kata keramat tu. Yang jadi mangsa siapa lagi kalau bukan my darling H. Bila surge datang akan peluk leher die kuat-kuat, sambil visualise macam kat atas tadi, and told myself this would be over soon. Yelah surges paling lama pun macam 40 seconds to 1 minute camtu kan. So tahan je.

Lepas doc check tu, I dah lost track of time and memory pun dah hilang dah. Kena tanya H apa yang exactly jadi. Throughout the time in the labor room, nurses ada ambil my BP reading and baby's heartbeat pki doppler. Rasanya ade midwife tanya boleh tak saya buat VE, I gently declined. Cakap kejap lagi ye. Sebab I rasa macam tak perlu..tapi hujung-hujung tu ada la jugak die buat skali lagi and I was fully dilated. Lepas tu diorang dah start suruh push the baby out. OK ni saat yang malas nak ingat. Sebab masa ni ilmu Hypnobirthing dah ke laut. I did J breathing tapi midwives suruh push, cakap what I was doing was wrong. Sigh. Masa diorang suruh push, I was a bit confused actually. I didn't have the urge to push. Diorang tanya ada rasa nak poo tak, I didn't feel anything. Masa ni, surges yang datang pun dah tak rasa sakit sangat. I was confused sebab from my reading and hearing other people's experiences, akan rasa 'the ring of fire' yang sakit gila tu, the thing is I didn't feel it. 

After around 40 minutes cuba push, doc came in and said we couldn't wait anymore, we had to use vacuum. I was like OK ape2 je la dah tak larat actually, bukan takde tenaga tapi macam dah hilang kesabaran, I just wanted the baby to be out. And out he went at 5.58 pm. Bergegar labour room tu dengan suara Qaiser Mateen kui3. They had to clamp the cord right away despite my wish to have delayed cord clamping because of the light meconium staining. They took him to a side room to aspirate his nose and mouth, before bringing him back to me to have skin-to-skin bonding. Walaupun tak lama, I was really happy that we did have the moment together. Feel of the vernix coating yang melekit-lekit tu, wah typing this makes me want to relive that moment. It felt so crude. I tried to breastfeed him but somehow it didn't happen so my mom said let the nurses take him away for clean up, kasi can the nurses buka puasa because it was almost 7.

All in all, I enjoyed the whole birthing experience. I managed to go through it drug-free and although I couldn't tick everything on my birth plan off, I am grateful that the process went smoothly and both mom and baby came out of the experience healthy and happy :)

I'm ever so grateful to have shared this wonderful experience with my husband and my mom. Thank you Dr. Raoofah and her team, and thank you Kak Ayuni Zainuddin, my Hypnobirthing 'cikgu' for the knowledge. 

I must say, going into labor with knowledge is so empowering, both for me and H. 

Till then, adieu.

Masa buat 3D scan ni dah boleh teka QM macam muka siapa :P

Day 1 of life

Ramadhan Kareem

Salam,

It's not too late to wish everyone

'Selamat Menjalani Ibadah Puasa'

You know when people wish you 'Semoga Ramadhan tahun ini lebih bermakna daripada tahun sebelumnya', for me, it already is a better Ramadhan this year, Alhamdulillah.

Why, you asked? 

Last year during Ramadhan, specifically on 21 June 2015, I miscarried my 6-weeks old baby. It was my second miscarriage in less than a year, because before that, I miscarried in September 2014. It happened so fast. That day I was at my sister's house helping her with some chores when I noticed a brown spotting. Hati dah tak sedap, because it reminded me of my first miscarriage experience. I tried to convince myself it was nothing serious, because in some women, spotting occurs right up until the baby is full term. 

Before going back to Puchong, we went to a clinic in Putrajaya to check on the baby. The doc said she could not see the sac, probably because it was still early or because my bladder was empty that she could not get a good view of my uterus. So off we went back to Puchong. That day my in laws decided to have iftar outside, but I followed the doc's advice to have 2-3 days of bed rest just to be on the safe side. 

Next day when I woke up for sahur, the worst happened. I saw fresh blood on the liner and told myself, 'it's happening'. I was sad, but I didn't cry, because deep down I think I knew it was coming, and it wasn't my rezeki, again. So H and I went to the clinic and the doc confirmed that miscarriage was in process, and it should be completed in 2-3 days (or something like that, I can't really remember now). 

And the rest was history. I wrote this note last year when it happened, and no one has ever seen it other than myself. So consider yourself lucky for seeing this for the first time :)

Alhamdulillah, this year, this Ramadhan, we will be expecting our third baby (2 angel babies are already in Heaven) :D 

To all TTC mommies out there, don't give up hope. I don't have any tips/tricks to share with you but just remember that Allah is The Omniscient and He is The Best Planner. Keep that in your mind all the time. Never stop praying to Him, inshAllah, 'The Best Is Yet To Come'.

'Demi Allah yang jiwaku ditangannya !Tidaklah Allah memutuskan sesuatu ketentuan bagi seorang mukmin melainkan mengandungi kebaikan baginya. Dan tiadalah kebaikan itu kecuali bagi mukmin . Jika ia memperolehi kegembiraan dia berterima kasih bererti kebaikan baginya , dan jika ia ditimpa kesulitan dia bersabar bererti kebaikan baginya'

-Riwayat Muslim-

New venture

It's our 3rd anniversary tomorrow. We don't have anything fancy planned this year, though I really wanted to have a 'babymoon' since it'll be the last time we get to travel/spend time together, just the two of us before the baby pops out. Something came up about 3 weeks ago, and we have been working on that ever since that we decided, our anniversary cum babymoon will have to wait. 

Rezeki Allah itu luas. And this one came when least expected it. For the past three weekends, we have been traveling back and forth from Penang to Ipoh to settle things. 3 weeks ago, we drove back to Ipoh after solat Jumaat (oh there was a drama on that day. I shall blog about it later). Then as soon as we arrived, we headed straight to the site to see the place. We then drove back to my parents' place, H had his shower and zaasss he went on the ETS train to KL to settle K1UK things. Full day Saturday and Sunday he was packing customers's orders, attending to customers who came to the house to collect their orders and etc. On Sunday he took the 7pm train back to Ipoh and next day we drove back to Penang early in the morning since I gotta go to work.

The following weekend, we drove from Penang to Kulim to see the regional manager just to submit our SSM certificate (old school man, he didn't do email or anything like that). It was a nice short meeting as we got to meet him face-to-face and listened to his business advice and whatnot. Something we may not get if we just sent the cert through email :) Then from Kulim we drove to Ipoh. We spent that Saturday driving all over Ipoh meeting with suppliers and whatnot, and only managed to have lunch at 4.30 pm (sorry baby). We went to see another supplier on Sunday then it was rest day for us before we went back to Penang that night.

We just arrived from Ipoh at 10.30 am today. We went back on Saturday morning, and off we went to see three suppliers within 1 hour because it was Saturday and everything was going to be closed by 1pm. Meeting on weekdays is a big no-no for us since I'm working so we had to rush to do everything on Saturdays. On Sunday, after sending my dad to the bus station, we got ourselves some paint supplies and went to the place give it a new look. We could have hired a painter to do the job for us, but H insisted to do it himself because it's way cheaper. So we spent the afternoon painting, only to find out that we didn't have enough paint and we could not get more since most paint shops are closed on Sundays. As if we were still so 'wangi' after all the hardwork, we went to Aeon Kinta City to have lunch and did some shopping for baby (ehem and mommy) supplies (been putting this off for quite sometime).

Now why am I writing all this? It may mean nothing to you, but I just feel like I need to document this memory somewhere, to remind us how it all began. Also, when the baby is big enough to read later, I'll let him read how good he/she has been throughout this starting journey, braving the highways, the scorching sun and the nonstop walking, yet never gave mommy a hard time :)

Happy anniversary to us, yay!

At 31 weeks..

You kick/wrestle (or party..hmm) like a champion in my womb. This is not just one kick with one leg, but there are times when you poke my belly with all your limbs, AT ONCE. Whoa that moment, it feels like gempa bumi in there.

You listen to me very well. After I found out that you are super active than the previous weeks, I was a bit nervous to drive to work because you know, with the earthquake and its after shocks that you give me, sometimes I get a little startled. So the other day before I started driving, I told you to keep calm while I was driving, and you did! Soon after I reached the office, the gempa started -__- but all was fine. 

I'm gonna miss these gempa bumis once you pop out, for sure. 

Pinjam baju

I'm in the pregnancy phase where nothing seems to fit and the best option is to wear my husband's t-shirt at home. I wish he has more working/casual shirts so that I could wear them to work, but since he's working at home, that's not a privilege I get to enjoy.

Last weekend, I was at my mom's and out of nowhere she asked me to go to a relative's kenduri (she normally would tell us, the kids, about kenduri kendara waaayy before time). I didn't bring fancy baju kurung/jubah from Penang so guess what? I wore my mom's jubah (size L/XL) and boy, was it so comfortable haha. I can't even fit into any of my baju kurung now and my jubahs might be a little tight that my 'popped-up' belly button is gonna show. So L/XL jubah? No problem! Us siblings bought the jubah from Calaqisya for raya last year and I was so glad we did.

So ladies, the take home note is, always buy your mom nice clothes because who knows one day you gonna need to borrow them :P

Baby names

These past 2-3 years, I have seen friends who opted for single names for their babies.

Maya, Jannah, Arsyad, Jamal to name a few.

It looks like single name is trending nowadays. It goes way back to ancient histories where most people were mononymous. Even most of our parents, I believe, are mononymous. Probably gone are the days of people naming their kids with three names, or even four (plus four of the dad's. tabik spring dekat these people. penat weh nak tulis kt borang hehe). Actually it is really convenient. Simple and meaningful. Even if you have four names, you are likely called just by one. But even if you have just one, people would still cut it short anyway haha. Hafiza jadi Ija, Adilah jadi Dila. So, really it's up to individual. But kudos to these friends of mine who chose to name your baby just by a single name. You guys inspired me :)

H and I are still undecided on our baby's name. Siap one time tu we both decided to 'one two jus' everyday for 30 days to agree on one name. But then after the third day dah terlupa nak jus -__- so we are back to square one. I guess once the baby pops out, once you see his/her face, you'll just know the perfect name to give.

Is that what happened to you guys?

Hypnobirthing Class

At the beginning of our 5th month, I started asking around for antenatal class. A friend suggested either SALAM or HUKM antenatal class, and I also looked at options for classes in Penang as it would be more convenient for us to go to. Then one night my ever-so-helpful sister tagged me on this Facebook ad 'Seminar Hypnobirthing Womb2Room' or so it was called (she has been tagging me on pregnancy/baby/mommy related posts since I got pregnant). I've heard of hypnobirthing before from various sources, but I didn't thought of going to its seminars/classes. To cut the story short, I signed up for the seminar that very night.

At the seminar, we were briefly introduced with the whole hypnobirthing concept.There was also a session on breastfeeding and birthing experience sharing from hypnobirthing parents. At the end of the class an offer was made to attend the full class at discounted price. I was hesitating at first, because to be honest with you the full class isn't cheap. But somehow H easily made the call that we were going for the full class because he said 'It's gonna be good for you', and 'There's money back guarantee' if I didn't succeed in getting a gentle and easy birthing experience. We registered for the intensive 2-full day class since we couldn't commit to come to a 2.5 hrs class for 5 consecutive weekends.

We almost couldn't make it for the class because I just reported for duty at the beginning of the week and the classes were held on Thursday and Friday. I only managed to get my boss's approval on Wednesday morning. We decided to take the midnight bus from Penang to KL, and 5.5 hrs later we arrived in KL with my ever-so-swollen feet. Note to self -  don't take bus while pregnant!

It was a 9am to 6pm classes for both days with 1-1.5 hrs of break in between. There were just two couples other than us, one from Sabah, and another couple from Seremban (she's due in 2 weeks). So the intensive class was meant for couples outside of KL and mommies who are >35 weeks pregnant. Kak Ayuni is oneof  the Certified Hypnobirthing Practitioners in Malaysia and has been an advocate since 6 years ago. She started Womb2Room 3 years ago and has helped hundreds of hypnobirthing parents all over the world (yes not just locally) to go through a gentle and easy birthing experience.

We learned in depth about the history and the concept of Hypnobirthing, got hypnotized by Kak Ayuni's soothing voice (I enjoyed this part A LOT!), watched many hypnobirthing videos (never seen so many vjjs and boobs all my life haha), discussed about birthing plan (the dos and donts), learned breathing and massaging techniques, and so many other things in between. H was the sole note taker during the class because as Kak Ayuni said, this class is more crucial for the birthing companions (the husbands) to focus and listen to than the mommies because when the time comes, the mommies won't probably remember what she has learned in class. It'll be the husbands who'll be in charge calming and reminding the mommies of what to do (and not to do) during the labor and birthing process.

All I can say is, the class is really worth the money spent. Thank you H for not hesitating to register at the beginning and for being so involved during the class. Even now he keeps reminding me to do the 'calm breathing' every time I am anxious or in pain for whatever reasons. At night he would turn on the CD we got from the class so that we both could practice the relaxation/hypnosis technique.

May the hypnobirthing force be with us!

p/s: There will be a seminar on 16 April. Check it out on Womb2Room Facebook.

A new chapter of life is about to begin.

Collecting dust is what this blog does best -___-'

Anyhoo, that's gonna change! (very loud scream)

It will be filled with amazing mommy-to-be stories from now on, and of course some other stories as well.

Yes, I am pregnant! Or we (me and H) are pregnant! I read on What To Expect app that you should always say 'we are pregnant' because both of you are implicated in this huge life event, even though you are the one carrying the baby. What to do kan, men don't have uterus. But that doesn't mean you should exclude them from the equation.

So reminiscing the time when we first found out that we are pregnant...

Back in October, while were still in the UK, we planned to go on a short vacation to Brighton-Portsmouth-London before we went back to Malaysia for good. So off we went to Brighton for 2 nights, then headed for a day trip to Portsmouth factory outlet (too lazy to Google the name now). At the time, I already missed a day of my period. Yeah, people said to check after 7 days of missed period yada yada yada, but I know my body, my period is always regular and somehow I got the feeling that I am pregnant (mother's instinct at its best). Plus, since this would be my third pregnancy after two previous history of miscarriage, we decided to not take chances. If we found out we were pregnant, we were going straight back home to Nottingham.

To make it more dramatic, on that day, my UK bank card could not be used. Then I figured it was 14 October, the bank sent me a letter saying that they would close my account on this date. Silly me I didn't remember at all! I would've transferred all the money into H's account if I did (that's another long story of how I finally got access to my money. Waited 4 months for it). So then I tried my Malaysian cards, no luck. We didn't try H's UK card because there was not enough money in it. In the end, we had to buy the pregnancy test kit using H's Malaysian credit card. Tried 4 cards just to buy a pregnancy test kit lol.

And so the verdict came out..



OK not sure how to turn that image now..

Right after we found out, brought ourselves straight to the parking and drove home (about 4-5 hours of driving).

It was then time for us to board the 12-hour flight home on 20 October. We were a bit nervous because the pregnancy was still at a very early stage (read: very fragile) and flying home can be a bit strenuous. I lost my second pregnancy one week after flying home in June 2016. So yeah, you could understand the worry.

This time around we took all the precautions - no heavy lifting, no long walking etc. I was resting for the whole of duration my first trimester. We were in the middle of moving into our rented house sometime in November. H did not let me lift a single box. Basically I just sat and saw things happened haha. But the most important thing of all, we leave everything to the Almighty. Whenever I felt worried, I kept chanting 'Yakin yakin yakin', that I always have to believe in Allah for all His decisions are for nothing but the best.

Alhamdulillah for this rezeki. We are now 6 months pregnant with a baby...surprise!