Qaiser Mateen Birth Story

**May this be a reminder for me and H, the moments before we called ourselves parents, and for our firstborn Qaiser Mateen to learn how he came about to this world.**

Monday 6 June

Petang around 4 pm macam tu pergi jenguk Mamunchkin (our milkshake kiosk at Taman Perpaduan Ipoh. Asyik tangguh nak post about this), buat apa yang patut. Masa kat situ dah rasa tak sedap perut, but I didn't think I was having surges because I know how it feels like sebab masa miscarriage first time haritu dah rasa. I thought it was the maternity jeans that made me so uncomfortable. Sempat jugak pergi bazaar belakang kedai. Tapi on the way balik rumah, dalam kereta, dah macam cacing kepanasan, tak boleh duduk diam. Still thought it was the jeans -___- sampai sumpah taknak pakai dah jeans tu huhu.

Sampai rumah, I sat on the gym ball, and H gave me light touch massage (one of the massage techniques we learned from the Hypnobirthing class) to calm me down. It worked! I felt fine throughout the rest of the night.

Tuesday 7 June

It was a normal day. Tak rasa apa-apa.

Wednesday 8 June

Again, around 4 pm macamtu rasa tak sedap perut. Sempat jugak pergi bazaar kt Stadium Ipoh with H and my parents. Balik tu rasa 'maybe I should time the surges', so I did. The surges were irregular, but ada masanya app tu said something like 'You should go to the hospital now'. We were like, naaaahh it couldn't be right. So malam tu layan je la surges tu. Whatsapp-ed my sister, and she said it could be Braxton Hicks contractions since it was irregular. Mama pulak before pergi night duty malam tu, dah siap2 pack kurma and air zam-zam, in case I went into labor that night. She is doing locum dekat pusat bersalin yang kitorang decide nak pergi.

Thursday 9 June

3 am

Bermulalah episod 'purging' atau 'membuang'. Lepas sahur around 6 am tu pergi lagi toilet. Pelik jugak, ingat macam kena food poisoning ke sebab semalam tu ade beli pecal kt bazaar, takde la kata basi tapi tu je boleh fikir time tu. Tapi everybody was fine, it was just me.

8 am

Another 'purging' session. Bila Mama balik from night duty pagi tu, tanya Mama ada sakit perut ke, Mama said yes. So betul la kot sebab bazaar.

9.30 am

I asked mommies dalam Telegram Hypnobirthing Support Group (awesome mommies yang rajin share tips and tricks) pasal 'purging' before labor and also about my irregular surges. Ada yang kata maybe dehydration, ada yang kata practice labor. So I just waited it out.

10 am

Masa nak  mandi, baru sedar ada 'bloody show'. Stayed calm, told Mama and Mama suruh mandi hot shower and after that she would do VE. My mom is certified midwife :) So lepas mandi she did VE on me, dah 4 cm. Rupanya I was in real labor, LOL. Boleh ingat food poisoning. Siap-siap barang semua, had breakfast (nak beranak uols, kena la bukak pose :P) and off we went to Pusat Pakar Permata Raaofah. Mama estimated I would deliver before bukak puasa, so dah bagitau Ayah siap2 nanti datang around 6pm bawak makanan untuk berbuka.

12 pm

Sampai je PPPR, terus masuk labor room sebab dah 4 cm. Masa sampai-sampai tu dah bagi the nurses on duty my birth plan. Basically in my birth plan I set out to deliver in the most gentle and natural way possible - no drugs, no episiotomy, no unnecessary interventions, delay cord clamping, direct skin-to-skin, allow time for breast crawl, breastfeeding and family bonding right after birth and few other things.

Midwife on duty buat another VE, dah 5cm. She alerted Dr. Raaofah, she gave me 2 hours to get to 7 cm, kalau tak she would rupture the membrane. Huhu. So selama 2 jam tu alternate walking around the hospital and duduk atas gym ball. Bile surge datang, I did the surge breathing while visualizing rainbow balloons, and my three babies (2 from the previous pregnancies) main-main dalam taman syurga, and eventually one baby (the one I was carrying) slid down the rainbow to meet me in real world. Aih susah nak explain hahaha. But memang setiap kali surge datang I visualized the same thing and that helped me manage the 'pain'.  This is one of the techniques we learned from the class, to hypnotize yourself as one way of pain management.

2 pm

Midwife did another VE, it was 6 cm. Dang it. Dah nervous dah sebab kalau tak 7 cm doc akan buat ROM. Rasanya masa ni diorang dah put me on IV drip, katanya utk baby. I wanted to refuse it tapi sebab diri sendiri tak buat homework pasal IV drip ni, so redha je la. But midwife still allow me to be off the bed, takde lah keras je duduk atas katil.

3.30 pm

Doc masuk, did another VE. Berapa banyak kali VE daaaa. Padahal dalam birth plan dah kata max 3. Again, redha. Masa ni 7 cm kot. Tetibe rasa banyak air keluar, rupenye mase doc buat VE tu my water broke dengan sendiri nya. And there was light meconium stain in the fluid..dalam kata lainnya baby dah berak sikit..

Lepas tu, bermulalah intense surges yang hmmppphh..lupe dah macamana rasanya. A few times midwife tanya and my mom tanya nak Entenox (the laughing gas) tak, I kept declining. Dalam kepala ada la a few times bila surge datang tu fikir arghhh nak amik je la gas tu, tapi dapat tahan jugak dari keluar kata-kata keramat tu. Yang jadi mangsa siapa lagi kalau bukan my darling H. Bila surge datang akan peluk leher die kuat-kuat, sambil visualise macam kat atas tadi, and told myself this would be over soon. Yelah surges paling lama pun macam 40 seconds to 1 minute camtu kan. So tahan je.

Lepas doc check tu, I dah lost track of time and memory pun dah hilang dah. Kena tanya H apa yang exactly jadi. Throughout the time in the labor room, nurses ada ambil my BP reading and baby's heartbeat pki doppler. Rasanya ade midwife tanya boleh tak saya buat VE, I gently declined. Cakap kejap lagi ye. Sebab I rasa macam tak perlu..tapi hujung-hujung tu ada la jugak die buat skali lagi and I was fully dilated. Lepas tu diorang dah start suruh push the baby out. OK ni saat yang malas nak ingat. Sebab masa ni ilmu Hypnobirthing dah ke laut. I did J breathing tapi midwives suruh push, cakap what I was doing was wrong. Sigh. Masa diorang suruh push, I was a bit confused actually. I didn't have the urge to push. Diorang tanya ada rasa nak poo tak, I didn't feel anything. Masa ni, surges yang datang pun dah tak rasa sakit sangat. I was confused sebab from my reading and hearing other people's experiences, akan rasa 'the ring of fire' yang sakit gila tu, the thing is I didn't feel it. 

After around 40 minutes cuba push, doc came in and said we couldn't wait anymore, we had to use vacuum. I was like OK ape2 je la dah tak larat actually, bukan takde tenaga tapi macam dah hilang kesabaran, I just wanted the baby to be out. And out he went at 5.58 pm. Bergegar labour room tu dengan suara Qaiser Mateen kui3. They had to clamp the cord right away despite my wish to have delayed cord clamping because of the light meconium staining. They took him to a side room to aspirate his nose and mouth, before bringing him back to me to have skin-to-skin bonding. Walaupun tak lama, I was really happy that we did have the moment together. Feel of the vernix coating yang melekit-lekit tu, wah typing this makes me want to relive that moment. It felt so crude. I tried to breastfeed him but somehow it didn't happen so my mom said let the nurses take him away for clean up, kasi can the nurses buka puasa because it was almost 7.

All in all, I enjoyed the whole birthing experience. I managed to go through it drug-free and although I couldn't tick everything on my birth plan off, I am grateful that the process went smoothly and both mom and baby came out of the experience healthy and happy :)

I'm ever so grateful to have shared this wonderful experience with my husband and my mom. Thank you Dr. Raoofah and her team, and thank you Kak Ayuni Zainuddin, my Hypnobirthing 'cikgu' for the knowledge. 

I must say, going into labor with knowledge is so empowering, both for me and H. 

Till then, adieu.

Masa buat 3D scan ni dah boleh teka QM macam muka siapa :P

Day 1 of life

Ramadhan Kareem

Salam,

It's not too late to wish everyone

'Selamat Menjalani Ibadah Puasa'

You know when people wish you 'Semoga Ramadhan tahun ini lebih bermakna daripada tahun sebelumnya', for me, it already is a better Ramadhan this year, Alhamdulillah.

Why, you asked? 

Last year during Ramadhan, specifically on 21 June 2015, I miscarried my 6-weeks old baby. It was my second miscarriage in less than a year, because before that, I miscarried in September 2014. It happened so fast. That day I was at my sister's house helping her with some chores when I noticed a brown spotting. Hati dah tak sedap, because it reminded me of my first miscarriage experience. I tried to convince myself it was nothing serious, because in some women, spotting occurs right up until the baby is full term. 

Before going back to Puchong, we went to a clinic in Putrajaya to check on the baby. The doc said she could not see the sac, probably because it was still early or because my bladder was empty that she could not get a good view of my uterus. So off we went back to Puchong. That day my in laws decided to have iftar outside, but I followed the doc's advice to have 2-3 days of bed rest just to be on the safe side. 

Next day when I woke up for sahur, the worst happened. I saw fresh blood on the liner and told myself, 'it's happening'. I was sad, but I didn't cry, because deep down I think I knew it was coming, and it wasn't my rezeki, again. So H and I went to the clinic and the doc confirmed that miscarriage was in process, and it should be completed in 2-3 days (or something like that, I can't really remember now). 

And the rest was history. I wrote this note last year when it happened, and no one has ever seen it other than myself. So consider yourself lucky for seeing this for the first time :)

Alhamdulillah, this year, this Ramadhan, we will be expecting our third baby (2 angel babies are already in Heaven) :D 

To all TTC mommies out there, don't give up hope. I don't have any tips/tricks to share with you but just remember that Allah is The Omniscient and He is The Best Planner. Keep that in your mind all the time. Never stop praying to Him, inshAllah, 'The Best Is Yet To Come'.

'Demi Allah yang jiwaku ditangannya !Tidaklah Allah memutuskan sesuatu ketentuan bagi seorang mukmin melainkan mengandungi kebaikan baginya. Dan tiadalah kebaikan itu kecuali bagi mukmin . Jika ia memperolehi kegembiraan dia berterima kasih bererti kebaikan baginya , dan jika ia ditimpa kesulitan dia bersabar bererti kebaikan baginya'

-Riwayat Muslim-

Anything for the sake of knowledge.

This post is long overdue, and I have to thank my mentor, Dr. Azizan Osman for finally making me write this post.

After much deliberation between me and H about going to any DAO's seminars, we finally settled for IMKK (Intensif Magnet Kejayaan dan Kekayaan) back in December 2015. Before that, while we were in the UK, we would watch DAO's videos on Facebook while having our meals (sebab situlah ruang tamu, situlah dining area, situlah office). Then we thought why not balik Malaysia nanti we go for his seminar. At that time, we went with zero expectation. We actually didn't know exactly why we went. Konon masa tu rasa business Kedai 1UK was doing well, we as a couple were doing well, so pergi IMKK macam just to test the water. Little that we knew, IMKK really opened up our minds about everything - life, business, connection with Allah and so many other things. 

We learned a lot from IMKK, but I must say we were not really good students because from 1000 things DAO taught us, we probably just practiced 1%, and one of them was to hire a permanent staff for K1UK. Before this, it was us who did EVERYTHING, from replying messages, taking orders, packing etc. Thank God we have H's family to help with the orders distribution once the items arrive in Malaysia. So whenever we went for a holiday or something, K1UK page would be unattended, which meant no sales. But Alhamdulillah things start to change once we hired the new admin. I must say she is a good one :) The best thing is, we gotta help add value to her life because she was unwillingly dismissed from her job. Since then, we got to go jalan-jalan or pergi kenduri without worrying about our beloved customers.

Why do I only share about us going to IMKK now? Ha, this is one of the 99% of ilmu yang DAO ajar but I didn't really practice. I still listened to 'suara budak kecik' or 'biawak biawak' kat luar sana yang made me skeptical to share about my experience. I thought nanti mesti orang ingat poyo ke ape ke, plus DAO pun ada controversies jugak kan..if you know what I mean. 

But after going to MMM (Millionaire Marketing Mastery) last week, things changed! I said to myself, no more hiding. I am gonna say it out loud that DAO is my mentor, and HE IS THE BEST MENTOR anyone could ask for. We paid for MMM right after IMKK ended, and were supposed to go to the January session. But something came up during that time, I think it was multiple friends' weddings during the weekend that we decided to postpone to another session. Then there was one in March, and we had to skip that one as well, I think sebab wedding jugak. Since we lived in the UK for 4 years and didn't get a chance to attend many family and friends' weddings, so it was payback time. Alhamdulillah we managed to go the May session (initially they said there is only one MMM session per year, I guess DAO just want to help more and more people hence more sessions).

I was 37+ weeks pregnant then and even I thought I could not last the whole time. Dah siap plan dengan H we might need to book a hotel room so that I could rest while he continued with the seminar. Mind you, IMKK and MMM are a three-days seminar, with the first two days being ~15 hours long (9 am to roughly midnight) and the last day from 9 am to about 6 pm. Alhamdulillah Allah permudahkan, 15 jam duduk atas kerusi takde sakit pinggang, cuma kaki je lah bengkak macam gajah kui3. Anything for the sake of knowledge.

OK macam dah panjang pulak. I'll continue with what I learned from MMM in my next post inshAllah.

Have a great weekend everybody :)

Adapting our wallet

H and I got back for good last October. We lived a nomadic life until early March this year because I hadn't started working until mid March. So it was either Puchong or Ipoh or Penang (boleh kira dengan jari berapa kali balik Penang). Since most of the time we stayed with our parents, we didn't do much grocery shopping ourselves (in other words makan freeeee). Now that we've finally settled down in Penang, I have realised one thing (or two) about our spending, be it for food, housewares, babywares etc. If I were to put a positive tone to it, I'd say we are money savvy. But some might say we are just plain kedekut. Hahaha

Everytime we go on grocery shopping, we'll make sure nothing too expensive goes into the cart. We didn't buy seafood for two weeks in a row because we thought they were just too expensive. Udang XL (yang tak besar mana) is average RM 25-30 per kilo, one time we saw sotong for RM 29.90 per kilo. Sanggup tak beli walaupun dah berminggu tak makan seafood. Now, money-savvy or kedekut?

The thing is our brains have not properly adjusted to the RMs. We used to buy groceries for much less in the UK that we couldn't help but to compare the prices here and there. For example, 2 pint (1.14 L) milk in the UK cost 75p (75 sen) and here it costs almost RM 8. Now don't convert between GBP and RM because Britons earn the same amount of pay as we do here, on average. Let say engineers get a basic  of RM3000, diorang pun dapat GBP3000. Cuma bile bab makan, memang murah amat. Weekly groceries (half full trolley) there costed us around £15. Here, dalam RM 150. *cries* That's why sometimes our brains refrain us from buying sebab rasa it's not worth it, but seriously we need to tune our brains back to the 'Boleh Land'.

Our second problem is that we run a business on discounted items. So our brains are trained to look for/buy stuff only if they are on discounts. Most of the times, when we plan on buying something, we end up not buying it after we see the price tag. We'll go like, 'Takpelah tunggu die discount dulu'. And we never bought it.....either because the item is NEVER on sale or we simply forget that we need it. For example, we were so in need of an extra sofa/chair for the living room because the one we bought from UK, let's just say, nice to see, not so nice to sit on to watch TV haha. Plus it is just a 3-seater sofa, we need to have more! For months we put off buying new one because after once or twice we went to survey on them, we gave up. Nak yang cantik, selesa, tahan lama tapi nak yg murah. How lah? Eventually, we ended up buying another 3-seater sofa yang super comfy (so in love with it) just two days before we organised a small dinner party at our place. Kalau dah terpaksa tu, semua terus OK je lol. 

Now that a baby is on the way, we need adjust and adapt to family life in Malaysia pronto! Nanti kesian baby, semua benda kena catu sebab mom and dad asyik nak tunggu sale baru nak beli benda, ihiks. 

Our 3rd anniversary

Scratch that 'nothing fancy planned this year' on my previous post. 

We had a nice time-out on our anniversary last week. At noon on 26 April, H booked a room at Holiday Inn Penang and off we checked in right after work. Perk of living on an island :) Since H said he never drove to Batu Feringghi via Balik Pulau, it was the perfect time to do it that day. OK that'll be the first and the last time, because the road was very challenging at times and obviously it took longer to reach because of the hilly road. The good thing was, H got to feast on a RM 60 durian (now I can't remember which one he bought). That hantu durian I tell you, he can't stand the sight of durian tepi jalan, mesti nak berhenti.

We made full use of the 14 hours we had there. Soon after we checked in, H took a dip in the sea then in the pool, while I made myself busy taking photos and observing people. We then went to Hard Rock Cafe for dinner (first time for both of us). All this while we went to HRC just so H could add on his HRC t-shirt collection from the places we traveled (no he's not getting one from Penang, or even KL lol). Surprisingly, it was H who suggested we had dinner there, and boy was it a good choice. We loved the food and the waiter was so helpful in suggesting the menus. 

After dinner, H had a foot massage. It was 11.30 pm when he finished and I was supposed to have my manicure but too bad shops were closing and no one wanted to take last minute customer :( So I can say, this year's anniversary, H got treated the most :D 

But it was ever so easy to please me. Staying in a hotel for one night is already a treat for me. I have always loved hotels since I was a kid, following my dad around when he had outstation meetings. He once told me his staff was so nervous about booking his hotel room because they knew I could make a fuss if I didn't like it. 

H feasted on durians, I feasted on the breakfast buffet spread. Fair and square :) Then it was time to check out since I got doctor's appointment that morning and then off to work. 

Short and perfect anniversary celebration, it was. 

I recommend the HRC tangy chicken wings and Strawberry Basil mocktail. They are so good!

New venture

It's our 3rd anniversary tomorrow. We don't have anything fancy planned this year, though I really wanted to have a 'babymoon' since it'll be the last time we get to travel/spend time together, just the two of us before the baby pops out. Something came up about 3 weeks ago, and we have been working on that ever since that we decided, our anniversary cum babymoon will have to wait. 

Rezeki Allah itu luas. And this one came when least expected it. For the past three weekends, we have been traveling back and forth from Penang to Ipoh to settle things. 3 weeks ago, we drove back to Ipoh after solat Jumaat (oh there was a drama on that day. I shall blog about it later). Then as soon as we arrived, we headed straight to the site to see the place. We then drove back to my parents' place, H had his shower and zaasss he went on the ETS train to KL to settle K1UK things. Full day Saturday and Sunday he was packing customers's orders, attending to customers who came to the house to collect their orders and etc. On Sunday he took the 7pm train back to Ipoh and next day we drove back to Penang early in the morning since I gotta go to work.

The following weekend, we drove from Penang to Kulim to see the regional manager just to submit our SSM certificate (old school man, he didn't do email or anything like that). It was a nice short meeting as we got to meet him face-to-face and listened to his business advice and whatnot. Something we may not get if we just sent the cert through email :) Then from Kulim we drove to Ipoh. We spent that Saturday driving all over Ipoh meeting with suppliers and whatnot, and only managed to have lunch at 4.30 pm (sorry baby). We went to see another supplier on Sunday then it was rest day for us before we went back to Penang that night.

We just arrived from Ipoh at 10.30 am today. We went back on Saturday morning, and off we went to see three suppliers within 1 hour because it was Saturday and everything was going to be closed by 1pm. Meeting on weekdays is a big no-no for us since I'm working so we had to rush to do everything on Saturdays. On Sunday, after sending my dad to the bus station, we got ourselves some paint supplies and went to the place give it a new look. We could have hired a painter to do the job for us, but H insisted to do it himself because it's way cheaper. So we spent the afternoon painting, only to find out that we didn't have enough paint and we could not get more since most paint shops are closed on Sundays. As if we were still so 'wangi' after all the hardwork, we went to Aeon Kinta City to have lunch and did some shopping for baby (ehem and mommy) supplies (been putting this off for quite sometime).

Now why am I writing all this? It may mean nothing to you, but I just feel like I need to document this memory somewhere, to remind us how it all began. Also, when the baby is big enough to read later, I'll let him read how good he/she has been throughout this starting journey, braving the highways, the scorching sun and the nonstop walking, yet never gave mommy a hard time :)

Happy anniversary to us, yay!

At 31 weeks..

You kick/wrestle (or party..hmm) like a champion in my womb. This is not just one kick with one leg, but there are times when you poke my belly with all your limbs, AT ONCE. Whoa that moment, it feels like gempa bumi in there.

You listen to me very well. After I found out that you are super active than the previous weeks, I was a bit nervous to drive to work because you know, with the earthquake and its after shocks that you give me, sometimes I get a little startled. So the other day before I started driving, I told you to keep calm while I was driving, and you did! Soon after I reached the office, the gempa started -__- but all was fine. 

I'm gonna miss these gempa bumis once you pop out, for sure. 

Pinjam baju

I'm in the pregnancy phase where nothing seems to fit and the best option is to wear my husband's t-shirt at home. I wish he has more working/casual shirts so that I could wear them to work, but since he's working at home, that's not a privilege I get to enjoy.

Last weekend, I was at my mom's and out of nowhere she asked me to go to a relative's kenduri (she normally would tell us, the kids, about kenduri kendara waaayy before time). I didn't bring fancy baju kurung/jubah from Penang so guess what? I wore my mom's jubah (size L/XL) and boy, was it so comfortable haha. I can't even fit into any of my baju kurung now and my jubahs might be a little tight that my 'popped-up' belly button is gonna show. So L/XL jubah? No problem! Us siblings bought the jubah from Calaqisya for raya last year and I was so glad we did.

So ladies, the take home note is, always buy your mom nice clothes because who knows one day you gonna need to borrow them :P

Baby names

These past 2-3 years, I have seen friends who opted for single names for their babies.

Maya, Jannah, Arsyad, Jamal to name a few.

It looks like single name is trending nowadays. It goes way back to ancient histories where most people were mononymous. Even most of our parents, I believe, are mononymous. Probably gone are the days of people naming their kids with three names, or even four (plus four of the dad's. tabik spring dekat these people. penat weh nak tulis kt borang hehe). Actually it is really convenient. Simple and meaningful. Even if you have four names, you are likely called just by one. But even if you have just one, people would still cut it short anyway haha. Hafiza jadi Ija, Adilah jadi Dila. So, really it's up to individual. But kudos to these friends of mine who chose to name your baby just by a single name. You guys inspired me :)

H and I are still undecided on our baby's name. Siap one time tu we both decided to 'one two jus' everyday for 30 days to agree on one name. But then after the third day dah terlupa nak jus -__- so we are back to square one. I guess once the baby pops out, once you see his/her face, you'll just know the perfect name to give.

Is that what happened to you guys?

Hypnobirthing Class

At the beginning of our 5th month, I started asking around for antenatal class. A friend suggested either SALAM or HUKM antenatal class, and I also looked at options for classes in Penang as it would be more convenient for us to go to. Then one night my ever-so-helpful sister tagged me on this Facebook ad 'Seminar Hypnobirthing Womb2Room' or so it was called (she has been tagging me on pregnancy/baby/mommy related posts since I got pregnant). I've heard of hypnobirthing before from various sources, but I didn't thought of going to its seminars/classes. To cut the story short, I signed up for the seminar that very night.

At the seminar, we were briefly introduced with the whole hypnobirthing concept.There was also a session on breastfeeding and birthing experience sharing from hypnobirthing parents. At the end of the class an offer was made to attend the full class at discounted price. I was hesitating at first, because to be honest with you the full class isn't cheap. But somehow H easily made the call that we were going for the full class because he said 'It's gonna be good for you', and 'There's money back guarantee' if I didn't succeed in getting a gentle and easy birthing experience. We registered for the intensive 2-full day class since we couldn't commit to come to a 2.5 hrs class for 5 consecutive weekends.

We almost couldn't make it for the class because I just reported for duty at the beginning of the week and the classes were held on Thursday and Friday. I only managed to get my boss's approval on Wednesday morning. We decided to take the midnight bus from Penang to KL, and 5.5 hrs later we arrived in KL with my ever-so-swollen feet. Note to self -  don't take bus while pregnant!

It was a 9am to 6pm classes for both days with 1-1.5 hrs of break in between. There were just two couples other than us, one from Sabah, and another couple from Seremban (she's due in 2 weeks). So the intensive class was meant for couples outside of KL and mommies who are >35 weeks pregnant. Kak Ayuni is oneof  the Certified Hypnobirthing Practitioners in Malaysia and has been an advocate since 6 years ago. She started Womb2Room 3 years ago and has helped hundreds of hypnobirthing parents all over the world (yes not just locally) to go through a gentle and easy birthing experience.

We learned in depth about the history and the concept of Hypnobirthing, got hypnotized by Kak Ayuni's soothing voice (I enjoyed this part A LOT!), watched many hypnobirthing videos (never seen so many vjjs and boobs all my life haha), discussed about birthing plan (the dos and donts), learned breathing and massaging techniques, and so many other things in between. H was the sole note taker during the class because as Kak Ayuni said, this class is more crucial for the birthing companions (the husbands) to focus and listen to than the mommies because when the time comes, the mommies won't probably remember what she has learned in class. It'll be the husbands who'll be in charge calming and reminding the mommies of what to do (and not to do) during the labor and birthing process.

All I can say is, the class is really worth the money spent. Thank you H for not hesitating to register at the beginning and for being so involved during the class. Even now he keeps reminding me to do the 'calm breathing' every time I am anxious or in pain for whatever reasons. At night he would turn on the CD we got from the class so that we both could practice the relaxation/hypnosis technique.

May the hypnobirthing force be with us!

p/s: There will be a seminar on 16 April. Check it out on Womb2Room Facebook.

A new chapter of life is about to begin.

Collecting dust is what this blog does best -___-'

Anyhoo, that's gonna change! (very loud scream)

It will be filled with amazing mommy-to-be stories from now on, and of course some other stories as well.

Yes, I am pregnant! Or we (me and H) are pregnant! I read on What To Expect app that you should always say 'we are pregnant' because both of you are implicated in this huge life event, even though you are the one carrying the baby. What to do kan, men don't have uterus. But that doesn't mean you should exclude them from the equation.

So reminiscing the time when we first found out that we are pregnant...

Back in October, while were still in the UK, we planned to go on a short vacation to Brighton-Portsmouth-London before we went back to Malaysia for good. So off we went to Brighton for 2 nights, then headed for a day trip to Portsmouth factory outlet (too lazy to Google the name now). At the time, I already missed a day of my period. Yeah, people said to check after 7 days of missed period yada yada yada, but I know my body, my period is always regular and somehow I got the feeling that I am pregnant (mother's instinct at its best). Plus, since this would be my third pregnancy after two previous history of miscarriage, we decided to not take chances. If we found out we were pregnant, we were going straight back home to Nottingham.

To make it more dramatic, on that day, my UK bank card could not be used. Then I figured it was 14 October, the bank sent me a letter saying that they would close my account on this date. Silly me I didn't remember at all! I would've transferred all the money into H's account if I did (that's another long story of how I finally got access to my money. Waited 4 months for it). So then I tried my Malaysian cards, no luck. We didn't try H's UK card because there was not enough money in it. In the end, we had to buy the pregnancy test kit using H's Malaysian credit card. Tried 4 cards just to buy a pregnancy test kit lol.

And so the verdict came out..



OK not sure how to turn that image now..

Right after we found out, brought ourselves straight to the parking and drove home (about 4-5 hours of driving).

It was then time for us to board the 12-hour flight home on 20 October. We were a bit nervous because the pregnancy was still at a very early stage (read: very fragile) and flying home can be a bit strenuous. I lost my second pregnancy one week after flying home in June 2016. So yeah, you could understand the worry.

This time around we took all the precautions - no heavy lifting, no long walking etc. I was resting for the whole of duration my first trimester. We were in the middle of moving into our rented house sometime in November. H did not let me lift a single box. Basically I just sat and saw things happened haha. But the most important thing of all, we leave everything to the Almighty. Whenever I felt worried, I kept chanting 'Yakin yakin yakin', that I always have to believe in Allah for all His decisions are for nothing but the best.

Alhamdulillah for this rezeki. We are now 6 months pregnant with a baby...surprise!

Rebirth.

It has been almost three years since I last blog in here. First I got busy, then I got lazy. But after submission of my PhD thesis three weeks ago, I started to think it's about time for the rebirth of this blog. I miss sharing just about everything under the sun (though I have to say it feels kinda awkward reading my older posts). Also when I got back from my Europe trip, I got the calling. H and I learned so many new things during the trip that we thought could benefit other people. So in days to come I might blog about that.

So what happened in these three years that I was MIA?

1. Got married in April 2013 (my last post was March 2013)

2. Ventured into online business. 

3. Found a new life passion

4. Traveled the world

5. Had two miscarriages

6. Submitted my PhD thesis (almost at the finishing line now. #prayfordla)

And everything in between.

Happy to be blogging again!

Sabar.

Worked 8 hours on SATURDAY. Experiment did not work.

Worked on troubleshooting the problem for 7 hours today.
Did not work.

Most probably have to repeat the whole experiment.


T_______T

Bertabahlah wahai otak, wahai hati, wahai badan.
Allah sedang mengajar kita bersabar.

Happy Women's Day!

Macam kebetulan terfikir nak blog pasal ni and hari ni Hari Wanita Sedunia. Guess what I'm going to write about? 

BEAUTY TIPS!

Haha. Not qualified, I know. But remember this? 'Sampaikanlah walaupun sepotong ayat'. So kalau ada sedikit pun ilmu kita kena share :)

Selain daripada prepare for the wedding day itself, B2B akan prepare herself for the big day, as in jaga all aspects of her beauty yada yada yada. Now that I'm in that phase, barulah terasa oh God kenapa lambat sangat baru nak realize ni kurang, tu terlebih, that shouldn't be there and the list goes on. Kalaulah dari zaman remaja dulu dah sedar at least now just kena maintain je and bukan baru nak start. Ye, sepatutnya bukan baru nak start jaga itu ini bila tahu nak kahwin ye. Kalau tahu setahun awal nak kahwin takpelah juga, buatnya boyfriend kau ajak kahwin bulan depan tak ke terhegeh-hegeh nak pergi spa sana sini, masa tu dah terlambat diknon. And one more thing these beauty regimes bukan nya seminggu dua dah boleh show results, at least kena 3-6 months, itu pun kalau betul-betul jadilah. Another thing, it is too risky to change your beauty regime at the very last minute, especially skin care regime sebab kalau tak sesuai and you have breakouts and all, takut tak sempat je nak betulkan balik. 

So ladies, please start early. Start now! 

Selalunya perempuan ni (me included), especially yang bertudung, kita just fikir nak jaga muka sebab itu je yang nampak. Yang lain tu secondary. But actually semua pun penting and kena jaga. Let me share apa yang kita selalu lupa/abaikan based on my experience (sebab sendiri pun tak amik kisah sangat dulu :P)

1. Nail and cuticle

Malu nak mengaku actually, but for the sake of sharing. Seumur hidup baru pernah buat manicure sekali, itu pun bila kesedaran timbul few days before nak bertunang haritu. Cina yang buat tu pun geleng kepala and cakap, 'Ini banyak keras wo, you kena selalu datang'. Lebih kurang camtu lah ayat dia. 

So at least once a week, rajin-rajinkan lah remove your cuticles and apply nail and cuticle oil untuk mendapatkan jari-jemari yang lembut mulus. luls. Tak perlu pun pergi salon, buat kat rumah pun boleh. Just buy the necessary stuff and tengok Youtube. 

2. Scars and stretch marks

Old acne scars and surgery scars boleh try guna Bio Oil. Untuk stretch marks dekat you-know-where sebab berat fluctuates like crazy, boleh try Palmers Cocoa Butter. Stretch mark ni kadang-kadang kita tak bother pun nak check sebab ingatkan perempuan mengandung je develop stretch marks, tapi sekali sekala cuba examine your whole body. Boleh Google untuk keterangan lebih lanjut mana nak cari stretch mark areas especially for women :P

3. Eye bags

Oh tell me about it! My biggest concern is my eye bags! Dah baca (read:baca, bukan buat :P) macam-macam kat Internet and ada la buat a thing or two, tapi doesn't seem to work. Tegar sungguh eyebags ku ini (or maybe I didn't try hard enough). 

Wash your face with ice cold water in the morning, massage around the eye area, use eye patch, use eye cream, place frozen cucumber slices on the eyes. Dah cuba semua ni tapi give up half way sebab tak nampak kesan. Nampak sangat tak sabar. But you guys yang ada eye bags problem cuba buat those tips above consistently and tell me jadi ke tak okeng.

4. General well-being

Ni paling basic yang semua orang tahu tapi couldn't care less. Untuk luar nampak cantik, it must come from within. Cewah. That's why it's important to take care of your well-being, by eating well, exercising and by looking after your personal hygiene. 

Take fruits and vegetables everyday, UK NHS suggest five 80 grams portions every day. The campaign is called '5 A Day'. *tetiba promote kempen NHS*

Exercise at least 3 times a week. Tak perlu sign up gym membership pun. Buat kat bilik pun boleh. Tengok Youtube sudah. Exercise bukan sebab nak turun berat je tau, untuk yang dah ada ideal weight, buatlah toning exercise pulak. 

Personal hygiene tu faham faham sendirilah eh. Baju laundry elok-elok, cadar tu rajin-rajin tukar, kalau pakai make-up jangan lupa pakai make-up remover, contact lens jangan biar sampai kering yada yada yada. Rumah, bilik, dapur pun kira termasuklah sekali, janganlah muka cun body mantap tapi suami balik rumah ya ampun macam tongkang pecah. hihi

I think that's about it. Ingat, start now! Tambah-tambah dah meningkat usia ni (25 this year waw!) lagi macam-macam kena jaga. Belum cakap pasal supplement, pasal wrinkles, aging oh noooooooooooooo!

Here's to all beautiful ladies out there! :D

Love note.

I'm not gonna lie, my relationship has seen its great and awful days. But what I love about it is how we pick it up again after those awful times. Arguments and disagreements can be good to a relationship if you can manage them well. Alhamdulillah so far we are able to do just that. Every time after a fight, when we finally understand what either of us tried to get across before it started, it's like falling in love all over again. 

Alhamdulillah. 

49 days to go. 

Sunday Monday

52 days to the wedding and here I am enjoying (somewhat) my strawberry yogurt. No, I'm not on diet (as you'd hear a lot of that from B2B), it's just that I caught some bug from my recent trip to Paris and have been having diarrhea for a week now. Well that's how I'd like to think about it, you know, traveler's diarrhea :P So, I have been eating rice porridge, soups, breads, biscuits and yogurts for 7 days.  Of course there were times when I cheated a bit, for example when Kak Hani made lasagna the other day. No matter how sedap your rice porridge is, it can never win over lasagna okay! Milk and milk-related products are a no-no when you are having diarrhea because the enzyme lactase that is needed to breakdown lactose in milk is reduced when you have diarrhea. So you might make the condition worse. Tetiba ade science lesson. Dalam lasagna kan ada cheese, so the morning after tu, lagi keraplah ke toilet hihu.

On a brighter note, 5 more weeks before I board the plane back home. Yippie!

On a not-so-bright note, days leading up to my holiday are gonna be super duper hectic. I don't even remember the last time I Skyped with H to discuss about the wedding. When Mama calls me on Skype these days to talk about the wedding, usually at night before I go to bed, I often have to stop her :( I can't think of anything wedding-ish at such hour because my brain is already tired for working non-stop in the day. 

InshALLAH everything will be fine :D


Sekian bebelan hari ini.


p/s: Oh btw, yogurt consumption is fine because it has the good bacteria that helps fight the bad bacteria that's causing the diarrhea in your intestines.

What's cookin'?: Potato and carrot soup

This simple yet scrumptious soup has got to be everyone's favorite. I learned to make it from my dear housemate and fell in love with it instantly.

You need:
Carrot
Potato
Chicken stock
Shallot
Ground black pepper
Shrimp

Method:

1. Boil carrots and potatoes with chicken stock (I used one Maggi Chicken Cube) with just enough water to cover all the carrots and potatos
2. Cut shallot finely, fry till golden
3. After carrots and potatoes are tender, blend them together with the water
4. Pour the mixture into a pot, and heat it up on the stove
5. Cut shrimps into small pieces and put in the pot
6. Add ground black pepper and salt to taste
*You can adjust the thickness to your own liking

So easy right???

I had it with homemade foccacia bread, which I will share the recipe later :P

Bon appetite!

Passion fruit.

Entry pasal passion ni memang dah sebati dengan Nur Adilah. Kalau tak kat blog, kat Twitter. Membebel lah sorang-sorang pasal passion. Truth is, I think it will bother me until I have found my true passion. Every time I see somebody being/doing so good at something, I can't help to feel a little envious, in a good way of course. Kadang-kadang rasa macam adakah aku tak bersyukur sebab Allah dah kurniakan something for me to do (i.e. do PhD), but still I feel uncontented and envy orang yang buat benda lain yang macam lagi seronok je tengok (i.e. buat business out of the passion/hobby/something they really fond of ). Jumpa plak kat Twitter the other day orang put up that quote above. It got me thinking, 'Am I living the life I'm capable of living?' I felt so small. Rasa macam I haven't contributed enough to my family, my community, those in need, and most importantly myself. 

Erin gave me an article to read not too long ago about how rich people think. I found one that is the most outstanding, almost everyone knows what it is:

'Average people earn money doing things they don't love. Rich people follow their passion.'

Some people they know what their passion is and make a living with it. For example, the ever so famous Vivy Yusof. She knows she's into fashion and boom! there you have it FashionValet. Her right-wing woman Asma' Nasaruddin, the Head Buyer of FashionValet, those cakes she makes are such eye candies! A lovely lady I know from the blogosphere, ShilaShower, she has a day job but at night she is the lady behind those yummy diaper cakes. Another sweet mommy blogger, HanaFedora, who's currently doing her PhD in London (I think it's Imperial College), launched her shawl business L'adorn late last year, juggling between writing her thesis, taking care of her cute baby Wilwil and managing inter-continents business (she's in London but her business is based in Malaysia). What I respect about these ladies is that even though they come from well-off families, they not only have one job, but they are juggling two jobs! I am not sure if Vivy still work with her dad's company but at some point she must have had two jobs.

I am 'tangan bangku' (peribahasa I made up for 'orang takde seni'). So I give up doing arts long time ago. It's always 'tiru' and 'tekap' when it comes to art. I make edible food just enough to stuff my tummy. I can sing in the shower, and that's about it. I don't collect stamps, but I do keep shopping bags. See, I can't think of any passion of mine. Can you consider studying a passion? Am I pursuing my passion? Nah I don't think so. I am pursuing my DREAM because I've always known I want to have a PhD at some point in my life. A passion is something you can't wait to wake up to. There are times when I feel so lazy to wake up because I feel so down that my research is not going anywhere. Having a PhD and later being a lecturer would be my job no.1. But the greedy me wants to have that job no.2. 

But after all, we must believe in Allah's plan. There is a reason Allah put me here today and not baking in an all-pink cafe or signing autographs at a book launch or singing to cute little kids in a kindergarten. I hope one day I can update in here about my other job, other than teaching Immunology to some scientist-to-be in USM. InshaAllah.

To you readers who are currently pursuing your passion, I am still envious of :P (in a good way okay?) and I wish you all the best in your future undertakings. Let's make the world a better place to live no matter what we do, ey?

Till then.

**Updated: It's not about the money, it's not about being rich. Well if the passion comes with money, that's a bonus. Those people I mentioned above, they turned their passion into money, which is good. It's a bonus for them. But in my case, I can't even tell you what I'm passionate about. That's what the entry is all about. 

Portuguese Custard Tart

The other day I saw my friend Hana put up a picture of the tarts on her blog and instantly I said 'I have to make them!' So dayssssss after I saw the picture, I finally made them on Tuesday.

I followed (with some modification of course) this recipe I found online.

3 egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
2 tbsp cornflour
400 ml full cream milk (alternatively you can use 230 ml cream and 170 ml full cream milk)
2 tsp vanilla extract (I used less)
Puff pastry sheet

Method:
1. Pre heat oven to 200C (UK Gas Mark 6)
2. Whisk egg yolks and sugar, then add cornflour. Whisk again.
3. Add milk/cream, mix until no clumps
4. Place mixture over medium heat, stir until mixture thickens and comes to boil
5. Remove from heat, add vanilla extract
6. Cover with cling film (to avoid formation of 'skin'), set aside to cool
7. Roll puff pastry sheet, cut into circles, and place into muffin tray
8. Add custard mixture (3/4 full)
9. Bake for 20-25 mins (top turns brown)

They are supposed to look like that okay! I did not burn them :P

Awkward moments.

#1

Just two of you working in the lab. You spin your cells for 5 mins. The other person is working in the laminar flow hood. You really have nothing else to do while waiting for your cells-taking off the labcoat, walking to the office, sit down for 2 mins then it's time, so might as well just wait in the lab. So you look around, and move around. You want to initiate a small talk, but then you hesitate because that other person is really concentrating on his/her experiment, and...the awkward silence fills the lab. 5 mins later, 'Teeeeeeeet', the centrifuge beeps. 'Thank God!'

#2

You are washing your hand in the restroom. Then your supervisor walks out from the toilet stall and start washing her hands as well. You stand beside each other. It gets really awkward, either you make gestures to show that you notice her (smile or say hi or simply nod) or just do nothing because toilet really is an awkward place to be with your supervisor. What more if you know she's sitting in the toilet stall next to you and you start hearing sound..you know..that sound.

#3

Again, two of you are working in the lab, side by side. You rarely talk to this person. You share nothing in common. But then it starts to get really awkward when both of you are doing experiment next to each other for quite sometime, and do not utter a single word to each other. Suddenly comes a third person (Phewwwwww), either to break the silence by talking to either of you, or he/she could just start doing his/her work right away and continues on with the silence. But now the awkwardness is kinda diluted so you don't feel it as much compared to before. 

#4

You have to go on a 30-min bus ride with you supervisor to another hospital because the equipment in your lab is broken, and he is the only person who can operate this alternative equipment. The moment you know it's going to happen you starts to feel fidgety. Deep down you wish that the bus is kinda full so there won't be no two side-by-side seats available. As Plan B, you start making scripts in your mind. You want to avoid having that awkward silence so you think of as much topics to talk to your supervisor about as possible.  But when you get on the bus, the two-seater are the only available seats and because you are to conscious about your list/script, you forget them altogether. And there is no way out but to face the awkwardness.

And guess what, this whole awkwardness may not be a solitary thing after all. That other person might also feel the awkwardness that you feel. So all iz well. :P